The lone (bush) rangers fan

We are moving

2009-02-23T14:04:00.003+11:00

For all of those who have us bookmarked and the like, the lone bush rangers fan is moving.

We have an exciting new home at statecricket.com

All the states will be represented, eventually.

So get over there and take a look.

Meet you in the shield final

2009-02-18T09:59:00.002+11:00

Cause that is where we are.

While the other teams are trying to put enough crumbs together for a chance at playing.

We is there.

For a team to book the home final, which we really have, this early it means that we must have had a full team all year.

We haven't, which is the sexiest part.

Look at the players we had missing for this game.

C White
D Hussey
B McGain
P Siddle
A McDonald
R Quiney

and then after day one.

D Nannes
S Harwood

So the usual excuse that NSWales use when we win, oh all our players were busy laying for their country, can be shoved well and truly up their anal passage.

Victoria won this with Brad Hodge bowling a quarter of the overs.

With Lord Mash and X man in the top 5.

With 2 frontline bowlers injured.

And with an innings to spare.

That is huge.

Bigger than huge.

Massively large.

I have questioned this Victorian side, and they have basiaclly told me to go fuck myself.

And quite rightly.

Now with the shield final in their pocked, they turn to the white ball game to make up for last years final.

Can they reverse last season, in which they won the 2020, and lost the other two.

Why the fuck not.

everyone chips in

2009-02-17T09:45:00.002+11:00

I raised some doubts about Victoria's batting line up last post.

Should I have worried, well yes, but, they did make runs.

Lots of them did.

Not the number 4 or 5.

Lord Mash and X man failed, but since everyone else made runs, it didn't matter.

Rogers started off with another 60 odd to add to his collection.

The Ego of Hodge smacked a 98, before the illegal Aaron Bird ended it. Bird who has bowled 11 no balls in this innings, umpires making percentage calls perhaps...

Then Wade made a 60 odd, probably annoyed he was batting behind two guys he is better than.

And everyone else chipped in.

Well except one.

I assume that Dirty Dirk was put promoted up the order because the angry man Shane Harwood was injured, because as we all know Dirty Dirk is a number 11.

And what happened, Dirk got ahead of himself at 10, and went out, for the first time this year, if you believe his answer in my interview.

Harwood is currently batting with McKay, and making a mockery of Dirk's 6.

The vics are now over 200 in front, and they will need it, if Dirty Dirk or the Angry man can't bowl in the second dig.

Oh and good news, after Casson took 3 early wickets, and we all started reaching for the razor blades, Hodge, Wade and Wright took him to the cleaners, luckily for out wrists.

Vics in the lead with shoddy injured team

2009-02-16T11:09:00.002+11:00

There is no spinner.

Two keepers.

The 5th (fuck me) captain of the year.

Two bowlers injured.

And Ethan Hastings.

Yet, NSWales got bowled out for 227.

Not a bad day one.

Harwood celebrated his IPL contract with a pectoral muscle injury.

Dirk Nannes celebrated being interviewed by me, will be up on CWB shortly, by injuring himself, and taking 3 wickets.

Crazy Clint took 3 and Hastings took 2.

The Mailman made a hundred, but since he made almost half the runs, it's hard to be too upset.

In the past i would be cock a hoop over such a day.

But with the injuries and Sot Jewell as captain I am a little nervous.

The batting order is just wrong.

Lord mash at 4, The x man at 5, and Dwayne Wade at 6.

Come on, who the hell is that scaring, well other than us.

I said the other day that their seemed to be a slump, but with that batting order how could it not.

It's pretty much 3 out all out.

Quiney, White, Hussey and McDonald are missing.

Blizzard seems to have been stamped not first class material.

Michael Hill must not be ready.

And so Lord Mash and X man are there.

We may still win this match, but right now I wouldn't put money on it.

Victoria's slump of doom

2009-02-12T05:18:00.003+11:00

You can feel it.

The tide is turning.

It all started when NSWales defended 120 odd in a 2020 game.

There was a sense of doom attached.

Then when NSWales got over the line in the 2020 final, the doom seemed to get thicker.

Even when Victoria pansted South Australia, we could sense a vulnerability, but they won easily, twice.

Then they failed against Tasmania, and it looked bad, especially as they were going to have to play them in the final shortly after.

Now they have lost to Queensland as well, giving them the home final.

And this was a loss.

At one stage they were in danger of ending up at English levels of crapness.

8/56.

Now there is even a chance that they will miss out on the final spot, however slim.

New fans of the bushrangers will be wondering what is going wrong, but the old schoolers have seen this all before.

Some years the Vics specialise in batting collapses, this year they are practising a full scale season collapse.

It's happened many a time before, but this one is looking more hard core.

At one stage they looked like they could be the first team to take the triple crown.

Now, the look like a bunch of blind drugged up ferrets bumping into things.

What has caused this, well, other than Victoria's penchant for disasters, there are a couple of major reasons.

One is the international duties of the big bear and Future PM.

And while that is important from a batting point of view, what is more important is the roles these two men occupy, leader, and dominator/collapse insurance.

Victoria has become dependent on them, and without them looks like a rudderless farce.

The other, and perhaps more important one, is the lack of quality batsmen to come in when the big boys are out.

With Cam, Huss, and Hodge missing, it was always going to be tough, but this has been ordinary.

The X man Crosthwaite playing as a batsmen makes my head hurt.

Wasn't he dropped for Wade because he couldn't bat? I love the bloke, but I see no point in him playing as a batsman.

If he is good enough to play as a batsman, Wade should be the one to give up the gloves, as the difference between their glove work is a gulf no freakish long swimming nerd could swim.

His selection means the Vics have no faith in the second tier, Blizzard, Hill, and co.

Their top six in the G disaster against New Texas was:

Quiney: Should have stepped up and become a superstar by now
Wade: Is he a white ball batsman, or are they trying to make him one
Hodge: Back from injury
McDonald: Can't see him as a number 4
Finch: Has showed a bit, but hasn't put a big score on the board yet
Crosthwaite: Not a number 6 in any form that isn't 2020 cricket.

The big guns are coming back soon, and even though they will soon be missing Peter Sizzle, Nice Bryce and McDonald, for the balance of the team, Cam and Huss are going to make up for it.

That doesn't mean they are going to come back from the slump of doom, but it does mean that they can't say they don't have the ammo to do so.

the review

2009-01-25T06:32:00.001+11:00

Fuck it.

Dear Bushrangers,

2009-01-24T06:00:00.000+11:00

This is our title.

I refuse to lose to these bastards, and for the time being, Prince Brendan is an honorary bastard.

Forget about Warne, Gilchrist or Keith Miller, you have the talent to win this game.

The bowling line up is all there, and NSWales couldn’t score against it before.

The batting has the talent, even if it is inexperienced.

This should be a victory.

Anything less is not good enough.

NSWales has more players out of their side than we do.

Sure the Ego of Hodge, the Bear like nature of White, and the ferocity of future PM Hussey are hard to replace, but the idea of Victoria winning all the time is that our players go on to play for their country.

And this is the perfect time to beat them, our stars are out, their stars are out, but they have pulled in a big gun.

They can’t whinge about their stars being out, they can’t gloat about producing the next generation, because they have opted for an import.

We can take these fuckers down.

Dirty Dirk is more than a bowler in 2020 cricket, the man is a wrecking ball of furious destruction.

The angry man Harwood is still one of the best 2020 bowlers on the planet, he doesn’t need a grey and yellow uniform to prove that.

Bryce is back baby, and this is the game for him, his performance in the one day final last year was what legends are made of.

The X man Crosthwaite is made for 2020 cricket, he loves a scrap, scores quick, and talks just as fast.

The human Headline Blizzard is due for another match winning few overs, remember last year’s final?

And 10 points Quiney loves smacking the blues around, it’s just a shame he doesn’t get to do so against Lee & Clark like he did at the G.

If this isn’t the time to win the title, I don’t know when is.

So back yourselves boys, leave it all out there, and make sure NSWales know that this is our title, if they want to win, they better play out of their assholes.

We are behind you.

NSWales is good for something

2009-01-23T09:34:00.003+11:00

Moses has been playing with videos, and has some great footage of angryman and the x man in full glory.

My favourite bit, and Mose's, is x man clapping in his face without asking if Hartley is ok.

Wrongs have been righted

2009-01-22T05:52:00.002+11:00

There was a horrible moment after victoria's break down against NSWales when we all thought they could miss out on the Champion's league.

The number one domestic 2020 on the globe could miss out on the first tournament of champions.

It would have been horrible.

4 men refused to let this be a possibility.

Dirty Dirk, is a fire breathing legend of 2020 cricket, it's like the aliens invented the game just for him, surely an IPL team will sign him soon.

Brad Ego, we know know for sure what we thought all along, Brad can bat on ego alone, no need for hamstrings for him.

Nice Bryce, is back baby, sure it wasn't one of his devastating white ball performances, but he ut the ball where he wanted, got a wicket in navy blue, and everything feels right again in the world.

And the X man, loves the pressure of a quick collapse, and without him the other three would have put in alot of great 2020 efforts for bubkas.

Now we have the plane ticket, but we really want to go back to back to back to back, don't we.

And its against them cunts as well, even more of a reason to win it.

Ofcourse without White, Hussey, and now probably Hodge, it's up to the young batsmen to shine.

Blizzard & Quiney need to explode.

Finch or McDonald need to hold together the middle order, and the x man needs to maintain the focus.

It should be a top game, as long as we win.

The gabba or bust

2009-01-19T02:59:00.001+11:00

Absolute utter brilliance.

Masculinity with a ball.

Brute force personified.

I’m, obviously, talking about Dirty Dirk’s masterful performance.

4/11 in a 2020 game.

But that was not enough.

The big man tried in vain to win the game on his own.

Even came out with the bat, which since he restricted them to 128, he probably thought he would not be required.

He couldn’t save the day.

Now Victoria may not get to the champion's league, a place they deserve.

It would be Victoria’s luck to miss out this year, after 3 straight years of being champions.

Failing to make 128 as well, a classic Victorian move.

Top order falls apart, top batsman gets run out, Wicket keeper chips in, and bottom order have to try and get them home.

It often works for Victoria, this time, not so much.

There was some good news, other than Dirty Dirk’s magic.

Aaron Finch, Colac’s 7th favourite son made some runs.

Which is lucky, because without him they may not have got close enough for them to almost win.

NSWales are going to India, and they deserve it if they can defend 128 against Victoria, even a victoria missing its top order.

Now they must defeat Queensland just to fulfil their destiny.

Victoria is now finally being tested, when they had White and Hussey playing, they were blessed with two international 2020 players in their team, now they have to do it the hard way.

Queensland will also be without Harris, but it is a home game, the truth is that if Victoria lose the last two games of the tournament, they don’t deserve to be in the champion’s league, however, it still feels unfair due to their history in the tournament.

Could they not go back to back to back to back?

Perish the thought.

Vics get back the momentum with one win in a row

2009-01-09T06:47:00.002+11:00

This time they beat the Warriors.

Brad Ego made all the runs, a few others sort of chipped in.

Cameron White took a Australian Selectors erecting 4/10.

And Surprisingly Dirty Dirk and David Hussey did very little.

Well Future PM did put a little icing on it with 37 off 22, and two wickets.

But with the Vics making 180 and the warriors strangling themselves to 105 it was hardly a game where two super heroes like them were needed.

Dirty Dirk didn’t even feel the need to prove my assertion that he should have been picked ahead of harris in the 2020 side.

He doesn’t have to though, he is Dirty Dirk, he does what he please, when he please, and he don’t have to prove nuffin to no one.

Big ups to Andrew McDonald for playing in this game, I’m sure he would have been allowed to miss it, but he played anyway.

Also well done in the test Andrew, was a top effort with the ball.

And ofcourse Peter fucking Sizzle, you is on fire boy.

Have we won this tournament yet, i thought these things were supposed to be over quickly.

Vics lose, Dirty Dirk stars

2009-01-04T10:50:00.004+11:00

So they lost.

There are two probable causes.

Geelong.

The players, other than Finchy, probably didn’t want to travel down the Princes for the game.

Then when they got there, they were too busy looking at the Dirty Dirk show reel from the last game.

Ofcourse.

None of the batsmen really hit their straps, and no one other than the big fella kept it tight enough.

And yet they still went within 2 balls, of winning.

You know what they say though, what happens in Geelong doesn’t mean shit cause no one cares about what happens in Geelong.

All it means is that that year we won't go undeafeated when we win.

And no one will care about that if we win all 3 titles.

Infact if we win the shield losing the best run in domestic 2020 titles in the world will mean very little.

But it would be nice to keep the title away from any other state for a little while yet.

That is 2 losses in 4 years of 2020 cricket.

And as it says in the AFL coaching guidebook, "it was the loss we had to have".

Sounds good anyway.

WE is on top of everything

2009-01-03T02:00:00.000+11:00

Another 2020 game, another comfortable win.

OK, so not that comfortable.

But a win.

And a Klinger failure.

That is the real win, imagine he made a 50 ball hundred, ok so you can’t imagine it, but imagine he made runs and they won, that would suck too.

Fair to say the bowlers got a bit of stick, but Angry Man Harwood was all over it with 3/27 in 4.

Not too shabby.

He got Harris out for 98, which is a nice effort.

Then the batsmen all chipped in, Headline started the ball a rolling, and then Ego and the big bear got the game well in hand, before Future PM had to win it for them.

Never has there been as important a 7 off 5 balls, probably.

Now we are in charge of every competition, have two test players, and Bryce is on his way back.

Happy new year indeed.

Australia gets a bit of red

2008-12-31T07:44:00.002+11:00

It is a good time to be Vicotiran.

Chris Rogers and Damien Wright sensed this.

David Hussey has always known.

Oh, so you don’t believe me.

Brad Hodge, test spot.

Bryce McGain, test spot*.

Cameron White, test spot.

Peter Siddle, test spot.

And now, from no where, and here is where we thank Merv Hughes, Andrew McDonald.

How the fuck is this happening.

Is Merv beating Andrew Hilditch up.

Suddenly it is raining Victorians, and not before time.

Remember when a test player was injured, or dropped, or retiring, and you said to yourself, I think whatshisname could go straight in, shame he is a vic.

No more.

Now even when there are other options, even NSWelsh ones, a vic goes in.

White/McGain before Casson.

Siddle before Bollinger.

Now McDonald before Noffke, Henriques, Geeves, North, and Smith.

There is a chance that there has been a huge mistake, and that Andrew McDonald is not the man who was supposed to be picked.

Congratulations to Andrew, and lets hope we can get a Vic to stick in the side for a while.

*He did get a spot, if not a test.

Welcome to FPM's playground

2008-12-29T07:14:00.004+11:00

Australia’s Hussey may have lost all semblance of form.

But Victoria’s is still simmering along nicely.

While hundreds have been very hard for him to grab in 4 day cricket.

Apparently all the extra time is what has been bugging him.

15 overs is all it took him, and Xavier Stutter Ball Doherty may never be the same again.

100 off 47 balls.

He even did a double act, following up with the ball as well.

Actually a triple act, 2 wickets as well.

I propose the Big Bash be renamed in the man’s honour, The Future PM’s playground.

The man doesn’t man handle 2020 attacks, he cuts them down, he is like a 2020 spartan.

It's as if the white ball has slept with his missus.

He is one huge part of why Victoria are the number one ranked domestic 2020 side in the world.

The other is the bearded barbarian Dirty Dirk.

Michael Dighton is a white ball run machine.

Dirty Dirk cleans up that mess in the first over.

George Bailey seems to live to fuck with Victorian bowlers.

DD wipes that cheeky smile off his face as well.

Game over.

That is one hell of a double punch.

At least we know in this crazy world that somethings stay the same, Victoria have the mad skillz in 2020 cricket.

Happy holidays

2008-12-24T23:53:00.001+11:00

The Vics are on top.

Toast that on Christmas day.

Dirty Dirk continues

2008-12-18T03:47:00.001+11:00

Something happened on day three.

The warriors went from a fordable foe, to rotten cheese.

These things don't just happen though.

Dirty Dirk cut their heart out.

Andrew McDonald ate it however.

It was pretty brutal.

They lost 9/98 on the day, and the game was over before Jewell and Rogers went out to bat.

Dirty Dirk is now the leading wicket taker in the country, and has a bowling average of 19 whilst doing it.

Not too mention his strike rate of a wicket every 6 overs, that is better than his strike rate for falling over.

The man is all over the shield season.

Some people still don’t rate him, but they are people who cannot understand the animal nature of the man.

The see the falling over, the wide balls, the terrible fielding and they say, oh he is not a proper cricketer.

No he is not, he is a barbaric warrior who takes wickets.

The man makes opposition batsmen piss themselves.

He gets wickets with an alarming consistency.

In essence, he does the job with brutal force while others are still tucking in their shirts.

Victoria has crawled on the back of the big man this year, and with Rogers and Wright playing pretty damn good as well, they would have to be red hot favourites for the title.

And if they do, Rogers will get credit, Wright will be applauded, and their will still be dick heads who don’t rate Dirty Dirk.

That is ok though, he is too uncouth to be anything other than a cult figure.

You can't stop the Gerard

2008-12-17T05:30:00.001+11:00

Gerard Wright is all over Western Australia at the moment.

Taking the first 4 wickets wasn’t enough for him, so he crashed in with a 60 to save the day.

Just as Victoria was putting in the standard collapse.

Victoria started by tripping over to 4/59, then McDonald and White steadied the ship quick smart.

They both made half centuries in good time, but when they went, Victoria went back into standard mode, and before long were 8/193.

That is when Wright and Crazy Clint came together, and bugger me if they didn’t put on a hundred run partnership at 5 an over.

Who would have put money on that?

Virtually no top order batsmen could work tis deck out, and 9 & 10 slap it around everywhere.

It was a gutsy partnership really, as they knew they were all out once their partnership was broken, sorry dirk.

This meant the vics went in with a lead of almost one hundred, and Dirty Dirk did what he does best and got rid of SOS Marsh.

The game is still in the balance, WA still has a stable of scary fuckers in the shed, but there is a calmness about victoria this year, and you just feel they are going to get home.

Lets just hope it doesn’t take another Clint Gerard partnership to do so.

gerard floors the million dollar line up

2008-12-16T06:46:00.002+11:00

Victoria might have had more downtime than they expected in recent times, as have their opponents, but they were right on the money.

Gerard Wright has always been a tuff sonofabitch on helpful surfaces, and he took the first four wickets.

In that bunch were Marsh, North, & Pomersbach.

Not fucken bad.

Later on Dirty Dirk fired up to finish off the tail.

And the warriors were scattered for 211.

Being that the vics won the toss and sent the warriors in, you can hardly say 211 is the worst score ever.

However you would still expect Victoria to get at least 250.

Bandy must be making some waves over west, batting at 3 in this line up is pretty damn special.

And he did it with style.

66 and a bunch of 4’s and a 6 to get there.

Now all we need is a Chris Rogers hundred.

And we know how much he likes doing that.

who was the waca who let him go

2008-11-26T23:56:00.003+11:00

Sorry about the title, i just could not help myself.

Chris Rogers was obviously bored in Western Australia.

Last year he struggled a bit with the bat.

Couldn't make any white ball teams, and looked flat.

Now he is an adonis of modern batting, and i am sure some newspaper has called his form bradmanesque by now.

Yet again he carries Victoria to a win over Western Australia.

Just a pretty little 75 before letting the big bear take over from there.

But this one has got to hurt Moody, because Rogers left to play white ball games, because WA didn't let him.

It's hard to blame WA, but with Ronchi batting at 7 this week, and Rogers running roughshod over them, its gotta hurt.

Victoria are happy now, some of the rabid faithful are even considering Rogers Victorian already.

Unheard of.

It took the big cheese 5 years to do that.

Victoria is riding Rogers, and their general top form, to the top of every ladder there is.

That feels good.

And they only thing that stopped them from going to India and winning was terrorism.

The boys are looking good.

former warriors find better pay day

2008-11-25T03:35:00.000+11:00

Chris Rogers burnt his home down on the 2nd day.

Well on the 4th day he burnt down the houses next door, the local school, the fish and chip shop and everything else he could pour petrol on.

Chasing 320 off 70 overs shouldn’t be easy, but with an over to spare and with two of the finest red nuts going around it was.

As if Chris Rogers killing the Warriors wasn’t bad enough, for most of the time the Future PM was with him.

Two former warriors coming back to town to steal the points.

Must be heartbreaking.

It’s happened to us enough times though.

Rogers is now in the sort of form that Jesus would be jealous of.

681 runs @ 88 with 3 hundreds and 2 50’s.

Ouch.

At the other end Future PM David Hussey is getting the starts, showing the dazzle, but failing to cash in.

3 half centuries this year. 9 last year, and only one hundred in that time.

Should we be worried, probably not half centuries from him are better than hundreds by most.

But we shall keep watching it.

Now the Vics go to India with a skip in their stride.

Victoria go West and struggle with north

2008-11-24T07:36:00.002+11:00

Someone has woken up Marcus North.

It does happen, he seems to play 3 or 4 games a season where Johnny Cash couldn’t get him out.

This is one of those games, and now Victoria have a proper chase on their hands.

Obviously they should still win, and if they do they can thank Peter Sizzle and Fumbles Wade.

Their tailend shenanigans set the game up for Victoria before Marcus North grabbed some of it back.

I still aren’t convinced with Wade, but more 68’s will help ease my mind.

Peter Sizzle can hold a bat, and is a fair number 10 at first class level.

Then North happened, and while it wasn’t a one man show, he did score more than his team mates combined.

Luckily for us loyal Victorians, Gerard Wright was there to scoop up a 5 for, as Sizzle, Dirty Dirk, & Eyelashes Pattinson all struggled a little.

The Vics still have 3 wickets to get, hopefully that isn’t a problem, and then chase down 200 odd.

The points are there if they are good enough.

I think they should try chase down the total in 20 overs, will be good practice for next week.

Chris Rogers burns his old house down

2008-11-23T10:29:00.003+11:00

Nothing is tougher than going home after leaving your place in disgrace for another woman/parent/sect.

They know your every weakness, they are out for blood, and only by raising your hands at the end of the day can you truly win.

Chris Rogers now knows what that feels like.

He went home, and he said come and get me biaches, in his best gangsta voice.

Western Australia came hard, they cut down his partner like he was nothing, they took a sword to his number 3, and FPM, a fellow who knows all about going home was smashed in front of his many eyes.

He saw them all come, and he saw them all go.

But Chris held firm.

His red hair shining in the harsh sunlight and littered with the blood of his new brethren, and the stain of dodgy genetics.

He went there an ex warrior, he comes home, a bushranger.

There is simply no argument.

Now his former home have 115 reasons to hate him, and he can never truly go home again.

By the time he had spent himself all over the Waca, Victoria was in the place to pick up the 2 first innings points.

Those points, if they are collected, shall be known as Rogers forever after.

good yet weird first day at the waca

2008-11-22T09:37:00.002+11:00

Big day for Victoria, Dirty Dirk bowled the most mathematically improbable over ever, and James Eyelashes Pattinson came out with a bang.

Dirty Dirk and his shenanigans can be read about here.

But the real story is Eyelashes Pattinson.

I thought he was being held back for some reason or another.

We are a few games into the season and he hadn’t been seen yet.

Now he pops up, instead of Crazy Clint or the Angryman Harwood.

And the boy is good.

20 overs 6 maidens 3 for 43 type good.

His wickets weren’t top order, but Bandy and Ronchi were two of them.

This my friends, is some sexy fucken shit.

Considering the Dirskster was missing, 8/224 is a pretty good effort with all the firepower WA have in their top order.

Only Marcus North got away, but playing against the warriors, you have to expect that one of the big guns will take off.

Now is the time to finish off the tail, and gets about winning the match, at least Dirty Dirk will be well rested.

Victoria go to top of the pops

2008-11-19T01:44:00.001+11:00

And about bloody time as well.

4 games we have dominated this year, and only 2 have we got maximum for, but this is looking good.

Not that the shaky isles didn’t put up one hell of a fight.

Brett Geeves got 99 not out, poor bastard was robbed I hear, but fuck him for making our boys work for the win.

Geeves is an interesting one, he has been known as an allrounder since he first made the grade, but oether than the odd cameo nothing has ever come of it.

Perhaps Victoria have created another Ashley Matrix style monster.

Fuck.

But we won this one, so lets not worry about allround monsters just now.

Crazy Clint McKay continues to take wickets against my better judgement.

And his 5 for gave him the man of the match award.

This is a very promising start to the season, and what a season this could be.

We could win all three Australian trophies and win an international one as well.

And trust me, I have just done a review of the Champions League for another website, we are a proper chance to win the whole damn thing.

But more importantly we are on top in the important stuff.

It’s more important as we have 4 home games to go in the season.

Maybe Ray Bright was right, but I doubt it.

The Vics push on with gusto

2008-11-18T04:45:00.000+11:00

Our boys are looking sharp.

I asked for them to bat on for 80 runs or so, and they got confused.

With 10 points Quiney getting an 80odd, and then Gerard Wright making another one.

Giving themselves a lead of well over 200.

A bitter cynical Vic fan may say that the tail often folds up like a tray table when we need them, but when the runs are already on the board they do this.

Either way, it means the result is in no doubt.

Especially after Crazy Clint, perhaps pissed I referred to him as a stock bowler, went macho and had them 3/18 at one stage.

By the close they had recovered to 5/145 with Dan Marsh and Ponting’s pet Butterworth at the crease.

It is hard to go through Dan, so Victoria have decided to go around him, and this takes time, but with a whole day to go, and half the team already out this should be a win.

So let me take this moment to mention Gerard Denton’s figures this year as a counter point to Klinger’s “Bradmanesque” out put.

Last year when Denton was fit he was the best quick in the land not wearing the baggy green.

This year he is averaging over 50.

See some players we do get the best out of.

Good to know.

Victoria win 1st innings again, ofcourse

2008-11-17T09:14:00.000+11:00

SOT Jewell made another 90 odd, FPM Hussey cameod with a 70 odd and Victoria get 2 more points.

Now we have a 120 run lead, 2 days, and 10 points Quiney still at the crease.

Surely, Surely, fucken surely, this is the full points game.

The one that kicks Victoria onto the path to the righteous shield championship they so richly deserve.

Bat on for another 80 odd.

Then bowl them out.

It sounds easy, but they have been in similar positions this year and nothing has come of it.

The one problem is their lack of heavy artillery wicket takers.

Dirty Dirk and Eyelids can burn the house down quickly.

They still have the Angry man, but Gerard Wright & Crazy Clint are more stock bowlers.

2 days is a long time now.

Close it out boys.

Do it for Cam, he needs cheering up.

Vics choke Tassie, George smiles relentlessly

2008-11-15T23:22:00.000+11:00

The Vics choked Tasmania without two of their main weapons.

Dirty Dirk and Eyelids were out, but Andrew McDonald stepped in with a 3 for to leave Tasmania 8 for 189 at the close.

George Bailey does his best work against us, I think all that Mick Lewis sledging early in his career really fired him up for a career of G scoring.

Luckily his 70 odd was the only score on the day.

Now that the Vics are home, this must be the 6 point game, first innings points are really starting to shit me.

Even more than the Australian saying that Klinger could be a chance to play for Australia and that his output has been Bradmanesque.

Funny twist wit the game to, starting it 2 hours late because all the players were flying back from the chicken promo game.

And Victoria caught a break because David Hussey’s batting gear didn’t arrive at all.

When I worked at Qantas that would have never have happened.

Victoria has a bad day

2008-11-13T05:00:00.002+11:00

While losing a one day game is not the end of the world, in the scheme of things this was a bad day.

Most of Victoria’s bowlers were scored off with gay abandon, but that happens.

The Angry man took a 5 for & and Brad Ego made a hundred , but it wasn’t enough.

Dirty Dirk missed the game, for unknown reasons, but he can’t play in them all.

And Victoria lost, but that is not what makes it a bad day.

It’s a bad day because the Hebrew hammer Michael Klinger made a double hundred for South Australia.

9 fucking years he played for us, and not a cracker.

All we had were false dawns, nervous nudges, and so many times he looked out of his depth.

Most people in the know would say he was worth the wait, but how long should any team have to wait.

So we assholed him, probably too late.

But every year he would tease us, making the most runs in the one dayers, or scoring his debut ton.

So we kept him, and we kept him, and we kept him, and what did we get, fucking zero.

Now we throw him away, so South Australia can deal with him.

We didn’t expect much, neither did they probably.

Some serviceable half centuries, painfully slow 40 odds, and him getting out at the wrong time over and over again.

Well fuck me in the earhole if he isn’t the most inform batsman in Australian domestic cricket, and by some way.

No one could have expected this.

For the first time in his lie his career average of over 30, and has just scored his first double century.

Midway through his 4th game he has 582 runs at an average of 116.

Who is this man, and what has he done with the Hebrew Hammer?

This isn’t the normal case of shield cricket, where a player just can’t get into the side like Hussey, Miller or Gilchrist. You can’t blame the selectors.

He was in the side, all too often, so why couldn’t we make him work.

South Australia haven’t had him long enough to have fixed him, and with Klinger was it was never a technique thing.

Is it the Klinger Kurve, formally known as the Lehmann round bits, where the batsman is just pretty good, but is feasting on Radelaide Oval tracks, and is just pretty good elsewhere.

Was it some force from inside the team, did the man just need a huge kick up the ass, or has he met two twins from Adelaide that like to party.

Either way Victoria is the loser here.

Bad day for Victoria I tells ya.

Vics fail to cash in

2008-11-08T08:11:00.000+11:00

Ray Bright is optimistic.

That scares me.

He says we should be happy with 10 points in 3 away games to start the season.

But should we?

We have played 3 ordinary sides.

And we have one outright result to show for it.

Surely I am not the only one disappointed.

We owned NSWales in this match, and yet we end up with another draw.

Our form is good, our closing out a game is not.

Last year we would have had Nice Bryce probing away, this year it was FSOB Holland.

And you can’t fault the young man, 3/96 off 38 overs was a pretty good effort.

Crazy Clint got a couple of wickets while bowling tighter than a nuns nasty, and even Ol’ eyelids found some rhythm, although no wickets.

Dirty Dirk chipped in with a couple more.

Plus most of the batsmen fired.

It was an excellent game for Victoria, all except the missing 4 points.

Where to from here gents?

Hughes scores, again

2008-11-07T00:28:00.000+11:00

Not a great day for the Vics.

The ass end of the batting line up fell out.

FPM, 10 Points and Wade went without much noise.

Luckily Andrew McDonald and FSOB Holland put on a 70 run partnership.

This got the vics 180 up, and saved some face.

Something called Burt Cockley took a 5 for.

Then after ensuring Mail had a pair, it was all bad news for Victoria.

Then Forrest and Hughes stuck it to Victoria.

Forrest obviously got over his fear of Dirty Dirk and he stuck in, as the real batsman Hughes made runs against us, again.

Everyone needs to get used to seeing Hughes, the boy can bat, and I don’t say that about a young NSWelshman easily.

He is only 19 and is averaging 53 in first class cricket.

Victoria need to despatch of him, and about 9 others quick smart if they are to take the points in this game.

Chris Rogers - welcome home

2008-11-06T02:06:00.002+11:00

No one in Victoria thought it was a bad idea to get Chris Rogers.

But we were getting him on the back of, what was for him, an ordinary season.

Victoria finally had an opener they could rely on, in SOT, and we knew that one more would give us a seriously top class batting line up.

Well here it is.

No weak links in the top 6, not one, in a Victoria top 6.

Rogers didn’t have to beat much yesterday, but this is his 3rd score in the shield in 3 games.

And this one has all but assured us of Victory you would think.

Not that he hasn’t caused some problems.

Foxsports got all confused with all those rangas out on the field, and put up a picture of Dominic falling over instead of one of Rogers classy shots.

And the Headline Blizzard has lost his white ball opening duties.

Other than that it is all good.

Victoria continue their tradition of having ridiculously productive openers.

Andrew McDonald doesn’t stand out as much.

FPM and the Ego don’t have to come in with the score 2/0.

And Chris Rogers gets to live in the best city in Australia.

Now boys, lets knock up a 200 lead, and then slap them back in.

No one in Victoria thought it was a bad idea to get Chris Rogers.

But we were getting him on the back of, what was for him, an ordinary season.

Victoria finally had an opener they could rely on, in SOT, and we knew that one more would give us a seriously top class batting line up.

Well here it is.

No weak links in the top 6, not one, in a Victoria top 6.

Rogers didn’t have to beat much yesterday, but this is his 3rd score in the shield in 3 games.

And this one has all but assured us of Victory you would think.

Not that he hasn’t caused some problems.

Foxsports got all confused with all those rangas out on the field, and put up a picture of Dominic falling over instead of one of Rogers classy shots.

And the Headline Blizzard has lost his white ball opening duties.

Other than that it is all good.

Victoria continue their tradition of having ridiculously productive openers.

Andrew McDonald doesn’t stand out as much.

FPM and the Ego don’t have to come in with the score 2/0.

And Chris Rogers gets to live in the best city in Australia.

Now boys, lets knock up a 200 lead, and then slap them back in.

Dirty Dirk and Crazy Clint do the business

2008-11-05T05:53:00.001+11:00

Dirty Dirk Nannes slapped NSWales around like only he can.

Crazy Clint McKay continues to get wickets just to prove me wrong.

And Victoria own the first day against the Speedblitz blues.

Sure there were hiccups, who thought tubs Smith would be so hard to get out.

And that damn Khawaja fella made runs again.

But they is out, and since Cameron & Bracken aren’t there, we shouldn’t have anything to fear from something named Cockley.

The other bowlers are Casson, Lambert, Hauritz and Henriques.

So the Vics should make a big first innings score.

Casson has 1 wicket in 2 games this year.

Back to form for him.

Dirty Dirk and Crazy Clint are the two that excite me though.

I have never understood how Clint gets wickets, but he does and I am happy with that.

It’s his runs per over that have me more excited than his 4 wickets though.

22 overs for 11 maidens and 33 runs is pretty good.

With Dirty Dirk spraying them, and Eyelids giving a way a few runs, if Clint can keep the breaks on that is quite a 3some if Siddle continues to be needed for higher honours.

This was Eyelids comeback game after the Nottingham 6 month ultra marathon he had been running in.

While he may not have impressive figures, it is good to get him a run again, and he did get Khawaja out, which is no easy feat, that guy puts a high price on his wicket.

This season is looking like it may be Dirty Dirk’s.

His current average is 13 with a strike rate of 27, if he keeps up anything like this, Victoria can ride the big man into the final.

Ride him hard boys.

Why 10 points Quiney could soon be your favourite player

2008-11-03T04:04:00.001+11:00

NSWales made 270 odd against the vics.

That is a fair score.

Victoria chased it down with a limb in the air.

Why, because 10 point Quiney plays for Victoria.

This man could soon become your favourite Victorian player.

Because he loves smashing NSWales.

I was at the G when he took down Lee & Clark like they were nuffin.

This time he took down NSWales lite.

But it’s the team that matters.

Victorians live or die in the eyes of the hardcore fans by what they do against NSWales.

Over the years they have been the two best domestic sides in the world.

And when they play each other it might as well be a test match.

So if you are a Victorian and you regularly beat the old enemy, you are held above your team mates.

We love beating them, the fuckers.

So the ones who helps us do it, are put on a pedestal.

It is how David Hussey went from WA import, to the fans favourite almost over night.

No Victorian fans have ever see anything more than the highlights of his last day 200 to beat NSWales.

But most will remember it as the moment he stood above the rest.

Quiney’s innings against NSWales at the G was similar, if not as dramatic and record breaking.

NSWales had all their big guns in, and he smashed them, it was brutal, and the rest of his one day year was damn good as well.

This year he has made his first ton in first class cricket, and he has been smoking hot in one day cricket.

He is a player on the rise, and when he is on song, a hell of a player to watch.

Victoria are 3 from 3 in one day cricket and 10 points is a big part of that.

Also we should give a shout out to Western Australia for giving us an opening batsmen who makes half centuries in every one day game.

They are hard to find I’d say.

Angry man and 10 points grab bonus point

2008-10-27T00:34:00.000+11:00

Victoria continue their pretty annihilation of the New Texas bulls.

Queensland may not be very good, but Victoria has chased in twice this week, this time with a bonus point.

It all started when the angry man was released from his cage.

2/18 off 8 with brutal snarling and the like is good numbers from harwood.

Apparently he doesn’t like being ridiculed in the media, and Queensland found out the hard way.

Queensland got to 220 odd, and that was not enough.

10 point Quiney is loving playing the bulls this week, and he continued his good form in one day cricket from last year with a 70 at better than a run a ball.

The usual suspects of Hodge and Hussey helped.

And the bonus point will work out well.

2 from 2 in the one day arena, ofcourse we are still yet to play anyone.

ego takes all the records

2008-10-24T21:02:00.002+11:00

Brad Hodge is now the greatest run scorer in Victorian History, and will soon be the most capped player in history.

Hodge has now scored more runs than Deano, so the legacy has been passed from legend to ego.

Old school Victorian supporters might remember when Hodge debuted for Victoria.

I didn’t look it up, but he scored something like 900 runs as a teenager and as a state we got very excited.

Then came the wandering in the desert period.

Hodge spent a lot of time outside of the team, something that is almost never mentioned these days.

Most Victorians had given up on him, when he did play he almost never made hundreds, and only ever showed flashes of being the real deal.

For modern fans, the Michael Klinger story is very similar, both playing as teenagers, impressing everyone and then losing the plot, and being picked more on potential but dumped when there was a real performer beneath them.

Then it all clicked, for hodge, not klinger, not sure what changed it, but am glad it did, because it produced a run scoring machine.

In the modern era only Deano and Elliott had a better averages for Victoria, but only just.

Being the highest scorer in your states history is quite an achievement, but it also shows that you have not played enough international cricket.

Hodge is always one of the first to say he should be selected, but we have our fate in our own hands, and if he had worked out his game in his early 20’s, he could be a 100 test player by now, instead of a fill in with a phenomenal average.

He will always be remembered as one of the best Victorian batsmen, maybe not on the top tear, which is Ponsford and Harvey.

Not quite on the 2nd tier which is Armstrong, Lawry, Hassett, and Jones.

But with the third tier of Yallop, Elliott, Redpath, and Ryder.

Which would be enough for most, but probably not for Mr Hodge.

I have never warmed to Hodge, and anyone who reads this site will know he is not my favourite, or 12th favourite player.

One thing I can say though, is that I am glad he is one of us, because if he wasn’t I would hate him a lot more, and I would have to watch him make hundreds against us.

In his early 20’s he would have had offers from other states, and he stayed true, you have to respect that.

So, and it’s not easy for me to say this Brad, congratulations on your milestones, you deserve them.

Dirty Dirk eats raw bulls heart or breakfast

2008-10-23T23:58:00.002+11:00

Sometimes when you are the bigger man, you need to pick up your family, your friends, your team mates and say, this one is on me.

Dirty Dirk Nannes had one of those games.

He started with 4 wickets in the first innings.

4 of the only 5 batsmen Queensland have, Hopes, Love, Noffke and Harris.

Then when he batted, which he does with no skill at all, he got 10 points Quiney to his maiden first class hundred, and put on a lazy 70 odd for the last wicket.

He made a solid 16*.

That would have been enough for a normal man.

Dirty Dirk is no normal man.

He is the Genghis Khan of modern first class cricket.

He is a beast.

He is Elvis pre jump suit days.

He is the freakin Predator of Victorian cricket.

So he follows up his excellent all round performances with a devastating 7/50.

GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER.

He came, he saw, they paint balled.

Would the Cricket Victorian person who called him a hack please resign, you’re embarrassing yourself.

What I wouldn’t have given to watch the big fella destroy the New Texas bulls.

Dirty Dirk in full brutal flight is like nothing you have seen.

When those limbs come in at full pace you are not sure if he is going to hip and shoulder the umpire, clean bowl someone or fall over.

The action is one of such ungraceful beauty, that it defies words.

Dirty Dirk just has to be seen to be believed.

And apparently the bulls didn't see too much of him.

Back to the game...

It wasn't overly impressive, other than DD and 10 points.

Chris Rogers made ANOTHER half century, and Wright did well with 4 first innings wickets, i'm slowly warming to Gerard.

Jon Holland was rested incase he had to travel to India, i suppose.

Victoria really needed this, you can’t play the two worst teams in the comp to start with and not get some points from it, but more importantly, it was a brutal victory and 10 points finally broke his hoodoo.

Special points should go to David Hussey for having the balls to say the Angry man Harwood “isnt the smartest guy going around”.

Well done boys.

Definition of a soft cock

2008-10-18T06:26:00.001+11:00

Graham Manou.

After his team scramble on the back of the Hebrew Hammer’s 150, and then bowl out the Victorians for 150, South Australia only needed 270 with 60 overs to get them in.

A pretty good chase for a team that had 6 for 473 scored off them in the first innings.

It takes guts to go for it, but the only way your team gets points in this match is if you get there.

So what do South Australia do, play out the draw, and, only just.

According to the reports they flirted with the win at times.

Yet none of their top 5 scored at better than a run every two balls.

Manou seemed happy with the result, because they didn’t lose.

What sort of attitude is that?

English?

They get the same points for a loss as they do for a draw, and how many games do you get the opportunity to win when the other team declare in the first innings.

All the hard work of the Hebrew hammer, meant shit.

All the hard work of O’Brien, Cullen and Tait, meant shit.

Manou, I think you’re a tough cricketer, and you have a huge heart for a fight, but if you think this is the way to bring on a young team then you are a fuckwit.

In his presser he said,

"Look, we competed against a group that played in all three finals last year and we only gave them two points,".

No one wants to survive Graham, people want to live.

Oh, and don’t think you are off the hook Victoria’s middle and late order.

When I spoke to Bryce a few months ago, I said it’s as if Victoria doesn’t feel like they are in a game unless they have dramatic collapse.

He said they were working on it.

I am not sure they can work on it, it’s a deep seated psychological sexual sado masocistic thing with Victoria, and it shits me to the core.

Well played Sot.

Victoria Hammered

2008-10-17T04:46:00.000+11:00

How does the world work.

I am at a loss.

We spent years playing the Hebrew hammer, also known as South Australia’s Michel Klinger, with no results.

It would be fair to say that he was ordinary at best for Victoria.

Ordinary was a great moment when Klinger played for us.

But he spends 8 minutes in radelaide and he can make 150.

In 39 games for us his top score was 107 and one game Pistol was so bored he declared on him at 99.

For fucks sake it took him 7 years to make his first class debut, I would have backed myself to ass one by then.

I played in the same dowling tournament as he did, I remember the wraps on him, and then he went on to captain Australia Under 19’s and play for Victoria as a teenager.

But what did he produe for Victoria, less than fuck all at an average of 26.

And then when Victoria needs to get off to a cracker of a start to the season, Klinger steps up and plays a real innings.

39 times he played for Victoria, and nothing, one game for the redonkbacks and he slaps one up straight away, against real bowlers as well.

Damien Wright wasn’t playing.

The game is still open, Victoria are 170 odd ahead, and need to declare with some sort of a target for South Australia to win.

At least one thing is for sure, if Victoria sets a decent target, Klinger won’t score a run a ball hundred to win it for Sa.

That is not possible.

Is it?

Keeps Klinging on

2008-10-15T22:47:00.001+11:00

Hodge and Hussey decided that their work was done yesterday.

But Andrew McDonald popped in with a 60, because that seems to be the plan with read head Victorian batsmen these days.

And 10 points Quiney put some red ink into his average.

Then they declared.

And South Australia batted like a comatose mormon.

110 runs in 55 overs.

On a pitch where SOT Jewell scored at a decent rate.

Plant held steady for 48 from 158.

Harris flew to 18 off 80 before McDonald got his wicket.

And then Victoria’s Ex Hebrew Hammer really took them apart.

He played an innings that I am so glad he didn’t play for us, 31 runs for 101 balls.

I saw Klinger play so many innings like this, the sort of innings that makes you want to give your eyes to a young albino kid.

He is the sort of batsman who can face 100 balls and still look like he is facing his first ball.

And Klinger at 3, wow, the boy can bat, true, but he does so at a pace that won’t win you anything, and he usually doesn’t finish off with a hundred anyway.

How bad are South Australia.

That was rhetorical, we all know.

If South Australia keep batting at this pace, they should’ve gone past Victoria’s score by Christmas.

SOT proves me a genius

2008-10-14T23:38:00.001+11:00

I had a feeling this would be Nick Jewell’s year.

Twice I had talked him u in my previews.

I wish I could say it was based on something other than just his 99 in the shield final, and a hunch, but regardless, his chickens is coming home to roost.

He has started the season with a whack and wallop against South Australia.

Now you may say, well, it was only South Australia, and all they have is old man Rofe, the non depressed Tait and a bunch of other nobodies, but I think this is a further step in Nick taking over the top of the order.

160 odd is good, but he also outscored Rogers and Hodge at times, there were times last year he couldn’t have outscored Klinger.

Having Sot in form is really the jewell in the crown, not really, just thought that would be corny.

This has to be his time, he is playing with a top order that has 2 test players, both with over 10,000 runs, and a number 4 as good as anyone out there.

It’s now or forget it for Jewell.

And this is the way to start a year.

South Australia is the prefect practice game, last yea he was great in the final, but was ordinary all year, but he also had no partner.

Chris Rogers is a partner, and then some.

Jewell has no excuses, he has stood up to Brett Lee, he has started sith a big hundred, this has to be his 1000 run year.

And if it is, then Victoria has one hell of a top order.

Rogers and Jewell performing the duties of steady starts, and then Hussey and Hodge coming in with the dynamite and liquor to destroy the place.

I like the look of this season.

Although Chris Rogers can stop with the 60 odds already, 2 is enough now, we get it you can bat, now make a tonne already.

Also Damien Wright didn’t get a game, I like that too.

Good start boys, now finish it off.

Victoria's 100% record

2008-10-13T17:33:00.001+11:00

A new dawn for Victoria is around the corner.

One based on an endless supply of quality quick bowlers and a proper top order.

Ok we only beat South Australia in a one dayer and I may be getting ahead of myself, but fuck it.

The answer to the question, who is Jon Holland, is a bloke who looks like h can bowl.

2 wickets, Future PM D Hussey said he was the catalyst, and everyone seems impressed.

Chris Rogers strode into one day cricket like he owned the joint.

The truth is though that ginger cricketers have always played good one day cricket, the red ball is too much competition for them.

Back to the game though, Brad Ego took the South Australian bowlers to the cleaners.

One of those bowlers is the mule Alan Wise, you may remember him from 2000 & 3, but he has hardly played for Victoria since then.

Also Victoria’s ex Hebrew Hammer, Michael Klinger, played, he made a dashing 17 off 37 balls.

Which overshadowed Chris Rogers 60 and Rob Quiney’s 40.

Obviously.

Good practice game, now finish them off in the 4 day game boys.

FSOB and no Eyelids

2008-10-09T22:41:00.001+11:00

FSOB and no Eyelids

Eyelids has a dud groin, and you know who we have to blame for this, Notts.

They made him, and then they broke him.

And what do we have left Gerard White.

Not good enough.

I want Eyelids goddammit.

I have watched him destroy Notts all year, and now, just as he is to do the same for us he is no where to be seen.

Someone fix his groin please.

In other news Victoria is still splitting the difference on the keepers. The X man was good enough for last years final, but Wade is back.

I do hope Wade keeps better than last year, because that was freakin horrible.

And in even other news.

Who is Jon Holland?

Being that the info I have on him is that he is a left arm orthodox spinner, I’d have to say he is the son of Bob Holland.

It’s not true, but it has wonderful symmetry.

He shall be called F(ake)SOB for the time being.

I know he plays for Carlton.

That he was picked because McGain is injured and White is living a surreal moment.

And on wikipedia it tells me “He is an Australian cricketer who played in the 2006 U-19 Cricket World Cup in Sri Lanka where he was a very good bowler.”

He looks like he will make his debut in both forms of the game next week, although its hardly a baptism of fire against the redonkbacks.

And in even otherer news the future PM David Hussey is to skipper, which is a good thing, cause I thought it might be the Ego of Hodge.

The squads are…

Victorian squads:

Ford Ranger Cup: David Hussey (capt), Aiden Blizzard, Adam Crosthwaite, Shane Harwood, Brad Hodge, Jon Holland, Andrew McDonald, Clinton McKay, Dirk Nannes, Robert Quiney, Chris Rogers, Damien Wright.

Sheffield Shield: David Hussey (capt), Shane Harwood, Brad Hodge, Jon Holland, Nick Jewell, Andrew McDonald, Clinton McKay, Dirk Nannes, Robert Quiney, Chris Rogers, Damien Wright, Matthew Wade. (12th men to be named).

This years Bushrangers (Nice Bryce to Gerard)

2008-10-09T01:25:00.002+11:00

Bryce McGain – The Old Man will be too busy to take you to the park this year little boy.

Goal, to get in that test team, and stay there.

Our NN: Nice Bryce, the Facebook Kid, and Cricket With Balls Own ….

Clinton McKay – In the offseason he has been demoted a spot in the rankings by Eyelids great performance in England. Knowing the injuries to Vic Quicks he will still have an active dance card.

Goal, to become a regular before the old guys die.

Our NN: Crazy

Dirk Nannes – Someone at Cricket Victoria called this guy a hack, grab your pitch forks.

Goal, to not break down.

Our NN: Dirty Dirk

Darren Pattinson – Victoria’s first overseas export since forever comes back with more wickets than Andy Caddick, yes he still plays. Now he must be in the top 4 bowlers in Victoria, and should bowl 1st change.

Goal, to play like he does for Notts.

Our NN: Eyelids.

James Pattinson – The Brother of Eyelids has a lot expected of him, should get a chance in the limited overs stuff, and let us see what he can do.

Goal, Regular contributions in limited opportunities in limited overs.

Our NN: Eyelashes

Rob Quiney – Should be a permenant middle order player this year, and should feast on this like it is his last meal. Remember that day against Clark and Lee young man.

Goal, permanency.

Our NN: 10 points

Chris Rogers – The Ginger opening batsman has come to us after an average season with WA, but a stunning one with Derbyshire, but that was in Divvie 2, so no one cares.

Goal, must top 1000 runs.

Our NN: unknown

Peter Siddle – Has gone onto great things since this website loved him and yet knew nothing about him. Now we know he is in India and was a woodchopper.

Goal, what he had last year will do us.

Our NN; Peter Sizzle.

Matthew Wade – Will have to fight the X man for a spot, and we know the X man doesn’t play fair.

Goal, if he gets in, he needs to make runs, lots of runs and work very very hard on his keeping.

Our NN: Fumbles

Cameron White – Could be busy a lot of the time, but when he is around, we expect more of the same.

Goal, green cap.

Our NN: the big bear

Damien Wright – Has come from the team with the most young quick bowlers around, to the tea with the most bowlers around period, weird choice. I can’t see him playing unless there is injuries, and there will be injuries.

Goal, to get regular games.

Our NN: Gerard

This years Bushrangers (Headline to McDonald)

2008-10-07T04:50:00.002+11:00

Let's take a look at the bushrangers for this season.

Aiden Blizzard – The Headline needs to break into the proper side this year. Without Klinger around, and Huss and Cam busy should get a middle order opportunity.

Goal, 24 sixes in a shield innings.

Our Nickname: Headline

Adam Crosthwaite – Will have to fight Wade to the death for a spot this year, so will have to make runs otherwise could have a few months to himself.

Goal, to get a job with Fox sports doing commentary.

Our NN: The X man

Aaron Finch – Hardly played last year, should get an opportunity this year, so I can hopefully write another finch report.

Goal, to play games.

Our NN: Timmons

Shane Harwood – I thought he retired, didn’t he? Apparently not, shouldn’t be an automatic selection this year, if he is, Victoria might not be having a great year.

Goal, to kill a wild boar and eat it, and not break down weekly.

Our NN: The Angry Man

John Hastings – he has the nickname, now he needs the results. Should be in the limited overs crap, but will struggle to play 4 day cricket.

Goal, to live up to the nickname of the duke.

Our NN: Ethan

Brad Hodge – Will have to make a lot of runs to make up for the absence of Huss and Cam. And would want to bat better than last year to sniff at the panties of the Australian team again.

Goal, a baggy green and a new wine ad,

Our NN: Ego.

David Hussey - will be busy most of the time, but when he is around he will be vital, with Katich in the main team, he is probably now the next in line for a middle order spot.

Goal, the test team.

Our NN: Future Prime Minister.

Nick Jewell - played well last year, but even Amy Winehouse had one good record, now what.

Goal, to step up and be the second main man behind Hodge.

Our NN: SOT

Lloyd Mash - Is probably going to be a back up this year, and if he doesn’t get too many chances will struggle to be there next year.

Goal, get in the side, and make real runs.

Our NN: Lord Mash.

Andrew McDonald - last season was a bit off, played a blinder the year before, the vics really need something like that again.

Goal, 800 runs and 30 wickets.

Our NN: It would just be too easy.

More to come...

Eyelids is looking droopy

2008-09-26T21:23:00.001+10:00

350 overs in county cricket.

32 overs in Pro40.

49 overs in the Friends Provident Trophy.

20 overs of 2020.

That is what Darren Eyelids Pattinson has done in England.

This is more than he has played in his whole career for Victoria.

Which is only two partial seasons worth.

Notts have worked the man to death.

I am watching him at mid off at the moment and he looks like a shell of a man.

With Denton, Harwood & Lewis all departing Eyelids would have been handy this year.

When he left Victoria he was a roof tiler.

Now he comes back as an international cricketer with a first class bowling average of 27.

But fat load of good that will do him if he gets to Victoria as a jaded English professional.

Notts coach Mick Newell even gave special mention to the fact that poor ol eyelids has been worked to the bone.

Since Eyelids has only ever played 5 shield games before, he probably isn’t used to bowling day in and out.

Looking at the Vics line up this year, he should get used to it.

While Dirty Dirk and Peter Sizzle will take the new ball, Eyelids should pip McKay and Wright for first change.

Dirk has also played for Middlesex, but being the true blue Victorian he is, he hasn’t played the whole season, infact even today he realised the boys in pink were going to win easily so he pulled out injured.

A true Victorian soldier.

Chucked out

2008-09-24T02:07:00.000+10:00

Chuck has left the Vics.

According to Cricket Victoria, beacons of truth that I am sure they are, Chuck has left to spend more time with his family and such.

It’s a nice story.

If it were true.

It’s late September.

The pre season has already started.

The season starts on 12 October.

Is this not a weird time to leave your position.

Last year Boof Lehmann was given the ass by South Australia.

Roy has just been shit canned by Cricket Australia.

And now Chuck is gone.

See a pattern here, larrikins, free spirits, party guys, or non probots.

Is Cricket Australia slowly stripping away all the personality and flair from the ranks?

Maybe I am reading too much into this.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

But, splits this close to the start of the season are very rarely amicable or simple.

Dodsy had this to say.

"‘Chuck' has played a key role in Victoria's success throughout his playing and coaching career. His experience, knowledge and passion for the ‘Big V' will be sadly missed but we wish Darren and his family the very best in the next chapter of their lives."

Let’s hope this is a simple split, and not part of a James Sutherland masterminded plot to get rid of all cricketing personalities.

Thanks chuck.

If Victoria was in Sri Lanka

2008-09-20T09:34:00.001+10:00

Dav Whatmore would probably be coach.

Arjuna Ranatunga and Dean Jones would be best friends, and enemies.

And Dirk Nannes would be god.

The Lankan side would look like this.

Nick Jewell
Chris Rogers
Kumar Sangakarra
David Hussey
Mahela Jayawardene
Brad Hodge
Prasana Jayawardena
Peter Siddle
Ajantha Mendis
Murali Muralitharan
Dirk Nannes

Fahveez Maharoof (12th)

Ok the openers would be a little fragile, but look at the 3,4 & 5, style personified.

The bowling attack is pretty handy too, left arm proper quick, steady as a train seam bowler, wrist spinner and a mystery spinner.

That is one hell of a balanced attack, but the tail is frail, but you could fix that with Vaas or Maharoof at 8.

For some reason the site of seeing Dirty Dirk at one end, and Mendis at the other is a dream for me.

If Victoria was in South Africa

2008-09-16T09:03:00.003+10:00

Obviously we would be even bigger assholes.

Our accents would be ridicioulous.

And Brad Hodge would be a match fixer.

But the South African test team would look like this.

Chris Rogers
Graeme Smith
Brad Hodge
Jacques Kallis
David Hussey
Hashim Amla
Cameron White
Mark Boucher
Morne Morkel
Dale Steyn
Bryce McGain
Peter Siddle (12th)

Not a bad side all said and done.

Cameron wouldn't last long not being captain.

Boucher would be under pressure from Wade and the X man.

Could win on almost all surfaces.

Especially suited to Indian conditions, with the two quicks and kallis, mcgain, white, and then three part time offies who can all take wickets in Smith, Hussey, and Hodge.

A South African team with 5 spin options, you know this is fantasy.

Ship gets greedy

2008-09-15T09:31:00.002+10:00

There are 2 Victorians in the test squad to India.

Us Victorians are happy with that.

Greg Shipperd, our commander in chief, wants more.

Ship is not Victorian.

He doesn’t get it.

2 Victorians is a landmark moment.

Like receiving porn from your aunty, or finding a thousand dollars in unmarked bills.

Ship thinks that Cameron White should have been picked ahead of Shane Watson.

Does he think he is in Western Australia or something.

In what world does he think the selectors would pick the big bear ahead of the son of Trevor Hohns, Shane Watson.

You’re not in Kansas any more Ship.

2 Victorians in the test squad is fucking amazing, count your lucky stars you got one.

While it makes sense in theory that Cameron White would play ahead of Shane Watson in a sub continent sort of way.

It doesn’t make sense in a selectors of the Australian test team sort of way.

If you break it down you could say that as White is a better player of spin than Watson, and a somewhat handier spin option than Watson, he should be picked.

That is how it works for other states Ship.

Other states also get players picked when they have had good performances.

Not here, here we take two players, in the team, and we don’t worry about little things like the fact that other players we have are more suited to playing for Australia, or have a better record.

We take what we can get.

Because we are Victoria, home of one or two Australian players at a time.

If we are lucky.

Has Merv finally done right by us?

2008-09-13T01:21:00.003+10:00

Victorians rejoice, we are back baby.

2 Victorians in the test squad, one all but guaranteed a test place, and one a young gun.

Do a little dance, make a little love, etc...

I said not that long ago that while as Victorians we think the selectors are against us, the truth is the only player who should be in the test team is Bryce McGain.

While it should have happened in December, 10 months later it is here.

Merv stood up, but only when there was no other options.

So we cannot give him any credit for that one.

But for Peter SIZZLE that is where he gets credit.

That is the good one.

Because not only did he get Peter Sizzle into the squad, but he assholed chief Victorian tormentor Ashley Noffke, who probably should have been there on performances and for team balance.

Merv is coming of age.

Most importantly Beautiful Beau Casson is no where to be seen.

Yet again Merv, you have out done yourself.

This is the best Victorian test squad in a long time.

Obviously there are still omissions, Future PM must have been unlucky to miss out, but Katich & Watson have been picked as Symonds replacement, rather than doing with the must likely like for like selection in Hussey.

But let us not get bogged down in negativity, this is a moment for joy.

Bryce has the main spinners spot for, hopefully, as long as he deserves it.

Peter Siddle may have booked his trip with one good bowling spell in India.

With the ashes coming around, Siddle is in the drivers seat to book his trip, and with Johnson still not legit, and Clark can’t keep probing at this rate for ever.

This could be an exciting period for Victorian Cricket, about fucking time.

Well done Merv, but we do expect more of this.

And well done Bryce, you are the number one spinner in Australia, you deserve this, now go take some wickets.

Bushrangers on Facebook

2008-08-12T22:26:00.002+10:00

I know you have always wanted to support the Bushrangers in a hi-tech way.

Well more Hi-tech than sitting next to Barb.

So here is your chance, become a fan of the bushrangers on facebook, and all your wildest dreams will come true.

True Story.

And for your loyalty, here is the Headline in full glorious navy blue action.

end of season thank you

2008-03-19T19:40:00.003+11:00

Well that is it from me for this season.

I will hopefully be back next year to cover the bushrangers as best I can.

Perhaps next year the VCA may grant me the Interviews I asked for.

Depending on what happens with Cricket With Balls I might even have more time to write and watch the Vics.

I would like to thank all the people who made this blog possible and the ones who supported it.

Big Daddy for all but suggesting it.

Sime for telling me it was the important blog,even though he never read it.

To the pseudo couple I stalked.

All the Victorian players who google their own names.

The cricket slags who tried to work out if the players had girlfriends.

Nice Bryce, Dirty Dirk & Future PM for the way they play the game.

To Banh, Moses, Sarah (even if she did delete some of her comments), Nashy and all the others who commented.

The Vics for giving me such a season to follow.

As for me, Cricket With Balls will continue unabated, and also some of you may not be aware that I also have an afl blog.

It's called footy on ice, so if your interested pop on over.

Because a day without blogging is a day without venting about crap no one wants to listen to on the bus.

Cheers.

Uncle J Rod.

PS Thanks to Ken Piesse as well. Not that I've ever met him, had advice from him, or any sort of contact at all. But thanks.

v for venereal

2008-03-19T19:32:00.002+11:00

Is it over?

Can I return to normal programming?

My boys have been humbled.

There is a passage from V for Vendetta that sums up how I felt before the game.

Dominic: What do you think will happen?

Finch: What usually happens when people without guns stand up to people *with* guns.

Victoria has a very good team, but not a great team, NSWales has an armoury.

The pain of the situation is the false hope that you build up.

If NSWales were 2 for 400 on the first day, I could have said, well ok, they are too good, the deck is too flat, we aren’t up to it.

But on the first day Peter Sizzle and Dirty Dirk threw Nswales around a little.

Siddle was damn near unplayable, and Dirty Dirk got out some very handy batsmen with some very good bowling.

Even the batting looked good whilst the big three were around, but once they went, Victoria went into collapse mode, and that as they say, was severely fu©ked up the ass.

Nice bryce got thrown around the crease like a blow up doll.

Dirty Dirk was fast but not particularly virile.

Future Pm David Hussey was assassinated and then performed seppuku.

The Big Bear and the X man got some small grooves happening in the second dig, but were down right ugly in the first.

And SOT Jewell was awoken from his slumber, but still couldn’t quite get up the hill.

Course there were good things.

Peter Sizzle took 9 wickets with a shoulder that Jesus couldn’t fix. (His shoulder reco is next week).

Brett Lee did not make a hundred, Stuey MacGill got slapped around.

We made them win the game.

They only made 280 in the first dig.

Three finals in one year.

From this side we only lose 1 player for next year.

Bryce McGain gained good experience, always good for a young chap like him.

But please.

Next year, oh for fu©ks sake, let it be next year we win, please aliens let us be good and win the shield next year, or let us be sh1t and for it not to matter by January.

Thanks boys, been a pleasure following you as always.

Never boring.

sam peckinpah presents

2008-03-18T22:51:00.004+11:00

I know Victoria have no hope of winning the pura Sheffield cup Shield.

I’m not stupid, although once I spent 8 minutes trying to get my headphone jack into my ear whilst holing the earplug in the other hand.

No one is going to get over 600 runs to win a final.

It just aint possible, Don Bradman couldn’t do it, Natalie Portman couldn’t do it, and neither can Future Pm David Hussey.

But, that hasn’t stopped him trying.

Not only that, but he has managed to wake up Nick Jewell as well, who apparently wants to play one day cricket next year.

They put on 52 to runs in just under 9 overs against Bracken and MacGill.

Hussey hit two sixes in an over off MacGill, ok so that is so out of the ordinary.

But Nick Jewell hit the ball regulary off the square and played attacking cricket shots.

That has to mean something, doesn't it.

To me the whole Hussey and Jewell slogathon reminds me of the end of the wild bunch, when the outlaws all look at each other, nod and stroll calmly to their death by shedding as much blood as physically possible.

Hussey would be a great man in the wild west, he would eventually die spectacularly, but on the way he would take down about a hundred guys, and he doesn't have nearly as gay a walk as John Wayne.

I see Nick as the straigh laced gunslinger whom all the baddies think is crap, but is obviously good by the way the director shoots him.

Then he helps the hero right at the end, without getting his suit dirty.

This game is deader than Alan Ladd, but why not kick some ass on the way out.

If beating NSWales is not possible at least make their millionaires look like clowns for 5 minutes.

Or let the Huss go down with one hell of a bang.

go peter sizzle

2008-03-18T12:48:00.001+11:00

Now I know that the Vics are foxing.

Surely no one would allow Beau Casson to make runs unless they were playing with the minds of the opposition.

I said if he made a hundred this game it would take 5 days, he has certainly proved my point for me.

Congrats to Peter Sizzle on getting 8 wickets in this match so far.

That is a hell of an effort, if only someone else could take wickets as well the Vics might actually finish this innings.

The good news is Brett Lee might make his maiden (I’m assuming) first class hundred.

I am still pretty confident Victoria can score up until 900 runs, but any more than that and we might struggle a bit.

brief

2008-03-17T17:18:00.001+11:00

All you need to know about this session is that Victoria took alot of wickets.

Yay the Vics.

those cheeky monkeys

2008-03-17T15:19:00.000+11:00

Getting the score at lunch, and knowing that in all reality the game has well and truly slipped beyond our grasp, I was disconsolate for all of about 30 seconds.

There were no tears, but there was a general malaise that had affected by very being.

However then a lightbulb went on above my head.

I remembered David Hussey and his double hundred to beat the speedblitz blues a couple of years back.

This is obviously what Victoria has been planning the whole time.

How else would the let a rookie make a spectacular hundred.

I am sorry boys, I just never saw it coming.

So now I’m assuming that this is a cunning plan that is intended to inflict maximum pain on New South Wales.

Sounds like a brilliant idea, just don’t take it too far gents, because if they make, say 800 runs, like the look like doing, Hussey is only good for about 400 of them, and after that the rest of you are going to have to share them.

But kudos to you on this wonderful initiative.

Assassination leads to the down fall of Victorian civilisation

2008-03-16T17:29:00.001+11:00

Every Victorian fan knew the collapse was coming.

We have done it all year, it wasn't abou to change now.

We knew that without Hussey to slap them around the NSWelsh would be able to plug away for long enough until the longest tail of all time was exposed.

White, was set up beautifully by Clark, very similar to how he set up Sehwag, but what hurt about it was that White was just starti8ng to look good.

Then Hodge, fu©ken Hodgey, padded up to MacGill from around the wicket and the stumps were damaged.

Crosthwaite, the x man, was gone before I’d even realised he was in, edging to his enemy behind the stumps.

Then sizzling Siddle came in, predictably Lee came straight on, and payback was swift, merciless and very unlike Lee.

Lee hit him with a beauty, Siddle laughed, Lee sledged Siddle smiled.

Next ball Lee bowled a ball that would have dethroated a number 112, instead it flicked sizzle’s shoulder and he was given out before Haddin completed the catch.

Then the Facebook kid McGain came out, you could see he wanted to get behind the ball, but out of love for his son, he couldn’t quite get there. Eventually Lee bowled a straight one and McGoo was put out of his misery.

Harwood came out next, and Lee tried to kill him as well, he batted ok for a moment or two, before cutting an obvious front foot no ball to gully.

Then Dirty Dirk came in, he stood right in behind the ball, perhaps because he wasn’t quick enough to move out of the way. Then he got hit with a straight one.

All out, and now we are in more trouble than a white DJ capping a black woman a nappy haired ho.

Lee who bowled tripe all day, ok not tripe, but not great, seemed to be saving himself for Peter Sizzle, and he tore the tail apart.

MacGill got the important wicket of Hodge, and he bowled really well from beginning to end.

Clark worked over Jewell and White like a seasoned pro, and Bracken bowled ok.

Beau Casson was not required.

Michael Clarke was the sniper on the grassy fu©ken knoll.

the final - tea day 2

2008-03-16T15:22:00.001+11:00

Brad Hodge is looking pretty good early on, he looks like he is set for at least a 60 odd.

Nick Jewell is getting an A grade work over from Stuey Clarke.

I usually love watching Stuey Clarke work a batsmen over, but this is painful. It’s like watching a kid melt an army figure, if that army figure was a tall ex footballer.

Stuey MacGill is a pretty cluey dude, he has somehow noticed that Nick Jewell is not an umpire, and he also felt the need to tell Jewelly of this fact.

Jewell had decided to play for stumps straight after lunch, but then he got bored, hit it straight to Thornley and ran himself out.

Was a bit odd.

“Dominic Thornley, he knows what its like to play 3 pura cup finals,” Brendan Julian. I’m assuming he would, being this is his third final.

Then Future PM David Hussey came out and played like he was playing a club game, flew to 9 off 7 and then got dropped at gully by the young opener Hughes.

Hussey offcourse next over put his head down, and got in behind the line and defended.

Actually he just slapped another 4.

It’s a very tense point in the game, because 2 wickets here and NSWales are in charge, if not, these two are very adept at putting on big fast partnerships that demoralise attacks.

The fifty partnership is up off almost as many balls. The Future PM just makes things happen. Sign the petition.

Hussey is given out for no real reason at all.

Conspiracy.

Had to be, how else would Michael Clarke get out the great man.

I don’t even know why they
appealing? It wasn’t LB, it wasn’t caught, perhaps it was because he is too damn good.

One more wicket and we are in all sorts.

Hodge strolls to a Hussey inspired 50.

Worst thing about the blatantly pro NSWales decision was it means we don’t get to see Hussey V MacGill.

As I write that, the commentators are saying that krab katich was hiding MacGill from Hussey.

Little bitches.

White looks a little dodgy, but that is nothing new for him at the start.

Hodgey is looking very comfortable.

That’s tea.

2 wickets that session, and odd suicide by SOT, and a callous assassination on the Future PM.

the final - lunch day 2

2008-03-16T12:42:00.000+11:00

I think I have a nickname for Peter Siddle.

Peter Sizzle.

Oh yeah, I like it.

Just perusing the paper and the reason he looked like he was giving birth yesterday was that his tooth was infected.

At some stages it looked like he had swallowed about 3 teeth.

Sizzle accounted for Bracken quite easily.

And that brought out the two stuey’s, two of my favourite tailenders in world cricket.

Stuey Clark got a couple away, and Stuey MacGill looked like a man who hasn’t held a cricket bat in 8 years.

Dirty Dirk finished off Clarke with a short ball he didn’t seem to watch but still hit to deep backward square.

The Speedblitz blues on their way to the grandstand at 280 odd.

I haven’t wanted to jinx this or anything, but the Vics opening partnership is already the best for the year. Probably not statistically, but in real terms this is the best they have looked.

Not sure if I jinxed them, but 10 runs after I wrote the above sentence, Lord Mash got a nick of bracken, typical out for an opener. Must say that the Krab Katich probably made a mistake not giving Bracken the new ball.

Was a pretty quiet first session for the Vics, they lost just L9ord Mash, but overall played the best domestic bowling attack in the world very well.

Nick Jewell was not always pretty, but he is not a pretty guy, he is an old school opener. And so far has done his job.

Bracken was the best of the bowlers for the Blues.

Honours go to the bushrangers for this session.

If Jewell can occupy the crease, the Vics have the cattle at the other end to very quickly get the 280 very quickly.

Highlight of the session was Shane Harwood saying he would take a tooth infection if it got him a five fa.

the main players today

2008-03-15T19:45:00.002+11:00

The Krab Katich – batted like he has all year, took the facebook kid nice byrce to get him out. Was in control for most of the day, but is out now, and cannot hurt us for a day or two.

Phabulous Phil – seems to have lost all touch at the moment. Lucky he had the Krab free flowing at the other end, because he was stuck in a hole, hole, holeee, and it was deep, deep, deeeeep. Siddle eventually ended his innings.

Once in a generation Clarke - looked bubbly, fresh, alive, in control and went out on tea just when his team really needed him. Perhaps he thought he was still playing for Australia where that sort of behaviour is tolerated.

Their brad – was a little flighty early on, but then he took complete control, and although he never looked like taking the game away from victoria he did look like he was gonna make it uglier. Then he went out in the last over of the day.

Brett Lee – spent all day ducking and weaving, getting hit, slashing to the boundary before Dirty dirk bowled a ripper.

Dirty Dirk – was brutal early on, pretty good with the reverse swing, and then looked tired and flat with the second new ball. But still angered one through the crease to end Lee’s day and set up Victoria for tomorrow.

Peter Siddle - is about 20 has had more shoulder operations than a centre half forward, but somehow he just picks up wickets like other people pick up socks. Another 4 today, and I’ve seen him bowl a lot better as well.

The facebook kid Nice Bryce – not his best day, but he dines on Krab tonight.

Angry man Harwood – bowled some good spells, but is still the bet when it reverse swings.

The Big bear – Captained well, no matter what the fox sports team said, and bowled pretty well. Also seemed to have a new cap on.

Our Brad – dropped catches, miss fields, falling over and generally making me laugh.

the final - stumps day one

2008-03-15T18:23:00.000+11:00

If Brad Hodge has fielded worse than this I’d like to see it.

The plans for getting the wickets is bowl short to Thornley and bowl wide of off stump to Haddin. The Thronley plan could work, the Haddin one is working for Haddin.

NSWales are really trying to cut loose and regain their authority, but right at the moment they look like they are about to lose a wicket and capitulaion may follow.

And then the mad Ballaratarian continued to work Thornley over until he didn’t get an edge through to the keeper but was given out anyway.

So he should be.

Peter Siddle looks like he is about to give birth to a beautiful baby girl. The man is going through seriously painful breathing at the moment, and he’s off the ground.

Beau Casson just doesn’t look like a cricketer, and I’m not just saying that because he doesn’t have a fat @ss.

Casson just played a bouncer from Harwood like a disabled blind boy who is ducking a pumpkin.

Mark Waugh and Greg Blewett bagged Ashwell Prince going for 180,000 in the IPL.

Casson played for stumps from the first ball he faced. He made 99 in his last dig, if he were to do that in this match Victoria will never get a bat.

Haddin is seeing them very well, but Casson is doing his best to make sure he doesn’t face too many balls.

Casson eyes light up when White bowled a half tracker, and found a way to edge between slip and keeper for 4.

Even though McGain is keeping the NSWelsh, especially Haddin, honest. White is really bowling well, he is creating a chance per over.

The new ball has been ignored.

As I say that they take it and Peter Siddle puts Casson out of everyone elses misery and he walks.

He may well have been given out anyway, but, I couldn’t imagine a real NSWelshman walking against the Vics in a final.

Siddle backs his batting skills by bouncing Lee and all but decapitating him.

Lee is given a real work over by Siddle, who must have bought a new chest guard and arm guard dfor this game. He just ripped one into Lee’s gloves.

The momentum has just swung back to NSWales, Haddin and Lee are using and abusing the new ball and the Vics looked very flat.

Dirty Dirk bowled and absolute ripper on the second last ball of his day and made Brett Lee look a little silly.

Now the Vics are up and firing and Bracken lets a very fast ball hit his hip.

Next nut Siddle, who looks like he has gone 26 rounds with Jack Johnson in Cuba, shot one into Haddin’s pads and the Vic’s celebrate a great day.

8 for 260 odd, well hello, those odds of 3.30 I got are looking pretty damn hot right now.

AB reads my blog (probably)

2008-03-15T15:22:00.002+11:00

Fleming compared the Krab to Laxman, steady on chap, comments like that will get you a gig on channel 9.

I said yesterday Victoria has a fielding advantage.

Well they are giving that away with some beautifully shoddy work.

The Vics are playing this game on their terms, which is good and bad. They have decided on part time off spin while McDonald clogs up the other end.

They like to slow the game down, make it a war when they bowl, that is how they make their bread.

That said, White took it too far, Hodge bowled 3 overs too many, and when the change was made the breakthrough was had.

Siddle got Jacques with a very nice nut, was touch and go, but Siddle’s appeal was what won Rocket Tucker over.

He has bowled very well the young man.

Jacques has out crabbed the Krab today, fairly ordinary effort.

Michael Clarke comes out, with a 1st class average of 42, that Brendan Julian says are nice numbers.

No they are piss poor for a man of his talent.

The ball has started to reverse, so the angry man from Ballarat has been brought back on, in what could be his last game of cricket for Victoria.

Clarke is batting intelligently, he doesn’t look in great form but is rotating the strike, Phil Jacques should be watching this.

ALLAN BORDER JUST CALLED DIRK NANNES DIRTY DIRK.

Does he read my blog.

McGain tricks Katich with some flight and Nick Jewell does something he never threatened to do for Richmond, he takes an overhead mark.

McGain really likes bowling to katich, he is the only bowler who has had the wood on him this year. THis is the 4th time he has got his wicket I think.

Dirty Dirk comes round the wicket and Clarke is out, you fu©ken beauty.

Pretty plumb that, Clarke lost a bit of balance.

This is a sexy session, the money men are all but gone. One more wicket and Beau Casson has to come out.

Very good first day so far on a flat wicket.

Bring on session 3.

the final - lunch day one

2008-03-15T12:57:00.004+11:00

Victoria are clearly foxing with NSWales early on.

By dropping Katich or Jacques, depending on which commentator was speaking, they were setting NSWales up for a huge fall.

The opening bowling spells were top class.

Dirty Dirk was snorting with authority on his way in to the crease.

His first five overs went for 5. The commentators said he bowled a bit short, for him he was actually quite full.

My biggest concern was that he didn’t fall over enough. That is when he is in top form.

Peter Siddle was on fire early on, he got rid of Hughes with a nice delivery then he completely dictated to Jacques for the longest time.

International coaches will store this tape for their next time they play Australia.

If you had never seen Siddle or Jacques play before, you would think Siddle was the international player and Jacques the domestic player.

But importantly he is still there.

Harwood started a bit way ward, I think he was way too keen to get Katich’s wicket.

Then he got his groove back, and while he didn’t look brutal, he certainly continued to make Jacques look average.

McGain looked to trouble both batsmen when they defended him, when they attacked him though they looked comfortable.

Andrew McDonald bowled an interesting spell where all he really seemed to do was bowl quick off spinners.

The Krab katich batted pretty well, when Jacques let him face. He looks very awkward when McGain pins him down, and McGain really likes bowling to him.

It’s a flat pitch, and Victoria are going to try choke NSWales to death.

NSWales have a very skinny batting line up for this match, if these two are both in at tea, the Vics are gone, but if they can get either out, the Vics have a real show here.

Moment of the session, Brad Hodges hissy fit, after dropping whomever it was.

I was making lunch, i thought it was katich, but the commentators kept saying different names.

lets go david's

2008-03-14T20:35:00.000+11:00

There is just no logical out come in which Victoria will beat NSWales.

Batting, bowling & Keeping are all stacked well and truly in their favour.

Victoria only leads them in fielding and coaching.

Important areas, but perhaps less so that the other 3.

But let me grasp at one straw, just so that I have enough motivation to actually watch the game.

A champion team, can beat a team of champions.

We have seen it before.

Ofcourse Victoria are not really as champion team, but they are a bloody good team, and NSWales can’t really be a team, because they just don’t get to play together.

That is Victoria's one redeeming feature, the fact they play together every week.

People will argue that Cricket is a different kind of team sport, that individuals are the main factor.

But for every Jacques Kallis there is a Justin Langer.

And Victoria have a very good team spirit.

They come back from the dead so often you’d swear they were Zombies.

Victoria only plays its best cricket when they are down and out, or when no one expects them too?

I ask you, does anyone expect anything from them?

Read any paper, listen to any sports radio, you will all hear the same thing, Victoria simply cannot win.

So what do they have to lose, they have already lost, they migh as well go out there and just play.

And if NSWales slip, even for a moment, Victoria will be all over them like a Jehovnah’s witness on a confused Christian.

All the bushrangers need to remember is that reputations don’t take wickets and test caps don’t make runs.

the final countdown do do do dum dum dum

2008-03-12T20:32:00.002+11:00

The Sheffield pura Shield cup final is fast approaching.

Well not fast, its approaching about a day at a time.

I will need to find myself a couch that sits in front of a foxtel TV in order to see any of it.

The thought that Victoria, a proud and beautiful state, could lose to NSWales, a vicious pack of heathens, sickens me.

Victoria, gentleman that they are, have decided to use the players that have been available all year.

NSWales, vile scum that they are, have selected a bunch of ring ins.

I suggest they leave them out, last time I saw Lee And Clark bowl for their state they looked ordinary.

But they have nothing on our Bryce.

There is some contention over whom shall be picked, out of Quiney and Mash.

Even though I think Quiney is the better batsmen, Mash can dig himself into the crease and hold on, where Quiney is more likely to play the flashy innings.

But we have a middle order full of people who can play the flashy innings. Also the few times I have seen Quiney play spinners, it has never been that impressive to me.

With the bowlers according to the dailies the last place is out of Dirty Dirk and Clinton Mckay.

Sure I am biased by the fact Dirty Dirk is involved, but he is the logical choice out of these two.

Clinton has a very good recent record, looks in decent form, and is taking wickets.

Dirty Dirk is an angry growling warrior who would stab you in the eye with a pen to get your wicket.

For a Final I know who’d I prefer.

I’ve looked over NSWales side quickly and I have seen some problems for them.

Their bowlers have not taken a lot of wickets for them this year, and a few of their batsmen haven’t made many runs for them either.

There are some new names in there, Clark, Clarke, Bracken and Lee to name a few, but they only sound impressive if you say them out loud.

I suggest you don’t do that.

Instead I suggest you artificially find some reason to think we can win, like Bryce is a better bloke than Stuey, or Brett Lee will disrupt the team with his constant singing in Hindi.

a dead rubber

2008-03-10T13:43:00.001+11:00

The game against Queensland ended in a Victorian victory.

It was not a momentum building win, but Hussey, White and McKay all had good games.

Crosthwaite is back, which now means Victoria ticks my entire Sheffield shield winning boxes.

I have missed X, Wade never really made an impression on me, I felt we

Dirty Dirk came through well, and with Siddle and Harwood to come back we have a wide variety to choose from.

Pattinson will probably be the one to miss out. And then its out of McKay, Siddle and Harwood for the two remaining spots.

Dirty Dirk is the only obvious selection, which says a lot in his first full year in the team.

The Big Bear did make some odd decisions, such as opening the batting with a night watchman.

My thoughts on night watchman are well known but opening with one is njust a new breed of stupidity.

Now we go to Sydney and take on the Australian A eleven.

The good news is the most on form bowler will not be playing, the bad news is Lee, Clark and Bracken are replacing him.

If Hussey makes a double tonne on the first day, or Dirty Dirk takes 8 for, we can probably win.

That seems quite likely.

theres a bear in there

2008-03-04T21:40:00.002+11:00

So the Vics lost badly.

It’s a sad story, that means not much to th scheme of human existence.

But Cameron White threw his weight around like a drunken sumo, and that lifts the heart of humanity.

He did exactly what I hoped he would do, swing away.

Alas like pretty much all Victorian games this year, we only had one batsmen find his groove.

Victoria and NSWales combined looked pretty ordinary this weekend, so take that any way you'd like,

At least NSWales, dodgy mofos that they are, will get back a barrage of test and one day players.

We might be lucky enough to get Dirty Dirk and Mr Denton, and boy do we need them.

Our current bowling line up looking rather like a eunuch.

McKay, Wise and Harwood can all bowl, but non looks likely to get out Jacques, the krab Katich, Haddin, and Clarke in a no holds barred draw to the death.

But who cares, Cam is back baby.

The Vics checklist for Victory.

Inspirational and innovative captain, check.

3 gun batsmen, check.

Bat all day grafting openers, check check.

Australia’s best Spinner, check.
Nuggetty keeper who would rip the heads off live bats to win, negative.

One gun all rounder, check.

3 fast bowlers from real life, check.

So its not all bad.

not on our game

2008-03-03T11:27:00.000+11:00

I haven’t been covering this game with my standard aplomb.

I’ve fallen behind.

I have made mistakes.

I think it’s the fact I already know Victoria are in the final.

Luckily for me Victoria have made just as many mistakes.

Selections based on caution.

Winning the toss and having a brain fade.

Bad batting.

Luckily for the Vics the NSWelsh are struggling against Tasmania, not the redbacks as I previously alluded to.

The fact of the matter is Victoria look tired and flat, so do NSWales.

Perhaps it’s a bit like how Ali and Frazier fared after the thriller in Manilla.

But NSWales are ahead of us on percentage, so we are the team that needs to climb out of the funk.

This needs to happen today.

I know we are 430 odd runs behind, but boys you need to swing away like drunken wife beaters,

You need piss into the wind.

You need to just attack tis chase like your oprah on a bucket of caviar.

We need momentum, we need a spark, we don’t need a draw and the score at 5 for 232.

Come on fellas, lets do this shit.

PM is great, home final is going

2008-03-01T20:53:00.002+11:00

I understand some of you may be bored with all this talk of David Hussey.

But the dude continues to be amazing.

Today he went out at 4/129.

Nothing spectacular about that, except he bats at number 4 and was out for 84.

He seems to bat on different pitches than all his team mates.

Ofcourse all of this may mean jack and sh1t as Victoria look a very shaky 7 for 217 chasing over 400.

The good news is, Cam is not out on 50odd, the bad news is 7 batsmen are about and NSWales are grinding away against the worst first class team in Australia.

The game and the home final are slowly slipping away, and bloody Magoffin of all muppets is the one who has done it to us.

For those who don’t know, Magoffin is one of those tall for nothing WA quicks, who either bowls like Bruce Reid or Scott Muller.

There seems to be no middle ground on the guy.

Our bowlers struggled to take wickets on the first day, but someone, I’m not sure who, thought that the bowling line up looked a little flabby.

There is two days to go, but I think the home final has already left the building.

Bryce got a nice 2 wickets on the first day though, always nice to get wickets on the first day at the Waca.

Remember last year when we looked really great and all we won was 2020.

This year is starting to look eerily similar.

Feels like watching Saw, and then Saw 2.

And as much as i hated saw 2, i fu(c)king despised saw 3.

operation cotton wool

2008-02-29T12:02:00.001+11:00

I’m willing to admit that the Victorian selectors know more than I do about who should be selected.

Even Ray Bright.

I am willing to admit that, but I still must say that when one is trying to win a home final and all but ensure a Sheffield pura Shield cup victory, one must take its best bowlers.

According to media scuttlebutt (always wanted to use that word), Dirty Dirk Nannes and Gerard Denton are fit.

Yet, they are not playing Western Australia.

I understand this is some sort of operation cotton wool, keep the boys fit for the final.

But if they final is played in Sydney, reanimating the corpses of Ponsford & Miller may not help against a test strength NSWales.

In Melbourne I think we can win, even against Lee, Clarke, Clark, Jacques and Bracken.

In Sydney, not so much.

Today’s fast bowling line up is still pretty strong, Harwood, the Mule Wise and Lucky McKay.

It’s not a bad line up, but Dirty Dirk and Denton stroll into that line up, and Dirty Dirk likes the Waca.

Just a little odd is all.

Oh and I don’t really think the selectors are cleverer than me.

Bryce - the wizard of oz

2008-02-24T10:35:00.002+11:00

The game was a final.

The game going, going, g……

Victoria had fallen apart with the bat, David Hussey aside.

Dirty Dirk, Clinton and Harwood had done everything in their power, but the rain, and the circumstances were saying the game was over.

The score had got to 5/109 chasing 131.

I aint no mathematician, but I’d say that’s about 21 runs short.

Cameron had lost a bunch of overs from his quicks thanks to Duckylewis.

Bryce was the only front liner left, and he hadn’t bowled an over yet.

Victorian leg spinners have a good record under pressure in finals, well one of them does.

Bryce looked chubby, but that was cause he was wearing 4 tops, Tassie had turned very chilly.

Straight away he took a wicket, it wasn’t a spectacular ball, it probably bounced a bit more than Diven thought and he skewed it to point.

6/109.

Still a long way from a victory, but there was something happening.

Then two balls later he slides a ball past Xavier Doherty, who had a brain snap that would make OJ Simpson cringe.

7/109.

From there on in Bryce looked like he was bowling cluster bombs, one of which hit Geeves so straight in front Gilly and Jesus would have walked. Geeves didn’t, and was given not out.

Luckily for the Vics Dirty Dirk finally finished off Geeves and Bryce was left with Brendan Drew.

8/127.

Brendan is a big hitting tail ender, but against Bryce he looked like a drunken kitten.

Byrce didn’t have it all his own way with Drewy, the first edge he got was too sharp for Crosthwaite.

Luckily enough next ball he got a more manageable edge straight into the centre of his gloves, Bryce is nothing if not considerate of others.

9/128.

Bryce only had two balls left against Hilfenhaus, the first was a probing nut right at him.

Hilfy played it quite well.

The next ball, McGain threw it wide, remember even Muhammad Ali makes mistakes, and Hilfy looked quite good whilst leaving the ball.

And that was it.

McGain had done everything he could do.

5 overs.

2 maidens.

3 wickets (have not included Geeves due to bad LB call)

11 runs.

The next ball was edged by Turtle Birt, the dud Victorian who became the handy Tasmanian, and all of Bryce’s magical tricks were forgotten as the Tasmanians danced around the ground.

The wizard was left to stroke his beard.

BTW how cool would Bryce look with a long white beard.

It takes a Victorian to beat Victoria

2008-02-23T21:49:00.003+11:00

Cricket is a cruel mistress.

And not in the cool whipping you kind of way.

She all but takes you to the edge of the promise land, and then Travis the turtle Birt (former Victorian no hoper) gets an edge for 3.

I feel hollow inside, if Natalie Portman were in front of me right now, naked with a bottle of Canadian club, I couldn’t muster up the energy to have a drink, let alone avail myself of her nakedness.

Do you understand the depth of my sorrow.

Losing a game of cricket happens.

Losing a final against Tasmania happens (occasionally).

Losing a final against Tasmania when they are 9 wickets down and Byrce McGain is spinning a web of destruction at the other end does not just fu©ken happen.

Victoria decided on not batting in this game, David Hussey (sign the petition) aside.

Hussey is made of a scientific polymer substance that is resistant to heat, cold and Victorian collapses.

How the Vics got Tasmania 9 wickets down for 130 runs is insane, and it took a Victorian, Birt, to win it from there.

Tassie have a great bowling line up. Hilfenhaus, Drew and Geeves are all what Tony Greig would call broad shouldered men, who bowl above 140 clicks. Xavier Doherty, is a weird dude, but he can definitely bowl, and has the best stutter ball in world cricket.

The Vics just had one of those days, they batted when the wicket was playing up, they picked a probot (klinger) ahead of a batsmen (blizzard), they lost 12 overs though massive stupidity, the rain inhibited Bryce and tassie got the best of the rain delays.

At least they put up a hell of a fight.

McGain and Dirty Dirk at the end were outstanding.

Dirty Dirk Nannes (say it) is the hulk with a beard, a man so powerful a thousand tranquillisers couldn’t bring him down.

Mcgain is like a wonderful wizard, I think he should have a long white beard.

But even these great men couldn’t turn the game far enough.

Realistically this is only a one dayer, but still it hurts, oh does it hurt.

If I don’t take a bunch of sleeping tablets and sexually strangle myself I may talk about the last few overs and that man Bryce tomorrow.

Victoria takes on the IPL

2008-02-22T14:52:00.002+11:00

According to economists the market is the true indicator of life itself.

I think most economists are massive wankers, but since this theory suits my theory I am willing to use it.

According to the IPL auction David Hussey and Cameron White are worth more than Michael Hussey and Ricky Ponting.

Don’t give me any of that that’s because they might not be available for the whole tournament, cause neither will Brett Lee, and he still got a big bag of cash.

So the Market forces have spoken, Future PM comes in for his Brother King Probot, and Cam comes in as skipper ahead of Michael Clarke.

Simon Katich should continue to be ignored.

Ok perhaps this is a bit extreme, except the Krab Katrich bit.

But it does show the Victoria do have cricketers (and coaches) who are in demand, not in Australia, but internationally.

Even the ICL gave Ian Harvey a new mansion.

Offcourse not all Victorians were given cash, Brad Hodge was overlooked altogether.

Bradley will be picked up soon, because Loots Bosman and Ramesh Powar are playing but what about other Victorians.

Dirty Dirk Nannes – best 2020 domestic bowler, plus would be a great bollywood villain, starting price 800,00. But will need time off for snow boarding.

Andrew McDonald – Capable with either instrument, one of the most talented all rounders in the world. Also great marketing opportunity for McDonalds in India. 650,000.

Aiden Blizzard – ADD afflicted opening batsmen that has hit balls out of the Waca and radelaide oval. Headlines are easy to write. 575,000.

Bryce McGain – Blue Rinse leg spinner of unmeasurable talent. Probably the greatest leg spinner of all time, wait I’ll check, yup, best I can remember. IT specialist as well, they will come in handy in India. 525,000.

Adam Crosthwaite – improvising batsmen, and talented keeper. If not selected for his playing ability should get the nod for his commentary. 450,000.

Shane Harwood - if the IPL turns into the wrestling showcase it wants to be, who better than Harwood as the fast bowler who hates everyone, assuming he stays fit. 425,000.

Ken Piesse – with this many Victorians over there, they will need a proper cricket journalist, and who else but Ken. 150,000.

Jrod – I have already applied as chief blogger of the IPL. 900,001.

350 odd

2008-02-20T23:29:00.001+11:00

I could give a detailed report of the game where Victoria smoted NSWales.

But really, the game was over the minute Future PM David Hussey (sign the petition) went out to bat.

NSWales lost the toss, and the 5 spinners they had were never going to concern such upstanding citizens as Hussey, Hodge and Quiney.

The good news is that Tasmania will have seen us make 350, Dirty Dirk and Harwood got through the match unscathed and will be better for the runner.

This is most I’ve seen of Darren Pattinson, and he worries me, not as a bowler, as a bowler I like him, but on the way in to the wicket he seems to almost close his eyes, I’m afraid he’ll do himself a mischief.

Now onto Tasmania, to play against the butler and his crew.

Perhaps we will even have a fit crew for once.

David Hussey Petition

2008-02-20T01:40:00.002+11:00

Please pop over to Cricket With Balls and fill out my petition to get David Hussey into the national side.

No excuses, get over there and do it, your Future PM needs you.

Siddle Injured

2008-02-19T11:48:00.003+11:00

He has re injured his shoulder. So far it is unsure how NSWales are to be blamed, but trust me I'm on the case.

I have shaken the fast bowling tree, but nothing fell down, we have sucked the tree dry.

Now that there is actually no one left to take the new ball, Tony Dodemaide and Damien Fleming are to be reinstated for the next 4 day game.

It's a bold move by the selectors, but Ray Bright was heard to say, I want to play too.

Shane Harwood has apparently decided on not playing four day cricket, as he wants to continue to get paid the big bucks to play for Melbourne.

Dirk Nannes is recovering in Nagoya.

Gerard Denton has been missing for quite some time, I just saw his face on my milk carton.

Mick Lewis has left the building.

So i propose we do what NSWales did, we take only two bowlers into the next match and hope for the best.

gallant

2008-02-18T22:02:00.000+11:00

Victoria held on for a gallant draw today.

I’m not sure what a gallant draw is, but that’s exactly what they managed.

Mark Cameron and Beau Casson, absolute champions of world cricket, just scraped together 18 wickets between them.

Which is a great sign for Victoria as Cameron may not even get a Guernsey for the final.

Beau Casson took 7 wickets in the match, which probably makes him favourite for the Pakistan tour.

Lets look at what this drawn game means for Victoria.

They are now guaranteed a spot in the final. Woohoo.

Cameron White almost made back to back 50’s. Not bad.

CWB’s Nice Bryce took 5 wickets, and if he had a bit more time could have made a real mess to the NSWales tail. Conjecture.

We still have Harwood, Denton and Nannes to come back. Hopefully.

McDonald continued his resurgence from injury, taking wickets and making runs. Shane who?

Hodge and Hussey continued to be Hodge and Hussey, which is a good and bad thing. Nothing new.

Now let us forget the weird NSWales selections, their obvious cheating to get Hussey out of the side, and the fact two nobodies bowled us out on their own and look forward to taking on the Tasmanians in the Holden Barina cup.

George Bailey beware.

Stinks to high hell

2008-02-18T12:30:00.003+11:00

How do you get David Hussey out cheaply?

You drag him from Sydney to Radelaide mid match, because a NSWelshman (uhum) has sore ribs.

Then when the sore ribs feel good enough to make a 70 odd in an international match, you send him back to the SCG where he can no longer bat at the number 4 spot he so beautifully patrols.

Now when it comes to Victoria I often get caught up in conspiracy theories.

But this is no conspiracy theory, this happened in front of our very own eyes like when Greedo shot first, we actually saw it all happen.

So what compensation do Victoria get today, being that the future PM averages about 70 something this season, and he was jet lagged out for 20 something, surely any Victorian total should be given a 50 run bonus.

That won’t happen though, because this is a conspiracy to ensure that Victoria do not get a home final.

Wake up people.

Who takes a player from a game, when a back up is already in the squad, and then sends him back again because he is not required?

This stinks to high hell. Have always wanted to say that.

But regardless of this, Victoria will prevail, because Victoria has something that NSWales can never have, Victorian spirit.

I’ve always wanted to say that as well.

Victoria are now in a dodgy position, but they did manage to tie on first innings yesterday, after giving the NSWelsh a partnership between a debutante and a teenager.

In true Victorian style they then took 3 for 3 and both teams were dead even on 394.

While it guarantees a final, the fact we let NSWales get that close is horrible.

And who the hell is this Cameron fellow, and why does he have 9 wickets?

They only took 2 bowlers into this game, and one of them has hardly got a cracker, and we still might lose.

I'm holding onto the words that keep popping up though, deteriorating pitch, they make me feel a little better.

Side note, Congrats to Michael Hill (greensbourough boy according to cricinfo) on his big score for the Strayan under 19 side.

Lets hope he becomes as good a player as Adam Smith or Clinton Peake.

Too angry

2008-02-17T23:32:00.001+11:00

I am way to angry to talk about a tied first innings result.

Especially when a teenager and debutante save the day on their own.

day two from less bizzarro world

2008-02-16T18:37:00.000+11:00

Victoria got themselves to 390 odd.

It wasn’t pretty, and the tail had to fight a bit, and some bloke called Cameron got a swag full of wickets.

Then NSWales got in and batted like they were batting for time.

Their failure to take more than 2 specialist bowlers into this side mean that first innings points is really important.

But the Vics like to choke sides up and with McGain they have the perfect man for the job.

His 2 for 64 is not his sexiest figures, but with Hodge getting out the crab Katich and Siddle chipping in with the new ball they are 4 down with 180 odd to get.

They do bat down to 9 in this game, but I suppose that is always going to happen when you don’t pick any bowlers.

Game is well poised but you’d rather be wearing Victorias shoes at this stage.

McGain only needs 3 wickets to complete his 5 wicket haul.

Clinton McKay only needs 5 to do the same.

Beau Casson is in, so that’s a positive.

day one from bizzaro world

2008-02-16T01:03:00.000+11:00

I hate catches down the leg side.

I can never tell if they are out, and it’s just a sh1t way for a batsman to go.

Today Hussey went out on the last ball before tea, caught down the leg side, off Dominic Thornley.

If that isn’t enough to slit your wrists over, he was on 86.

Then Hodge does the same thing off Beau Casson, mind you his pain was less cause he made a ton.

Mind you by then Victoria had used the flat wicket to score more than enough runs for one day.

6 for 340 on the first day is better than a slap in the face from an angry woman.

Yet again the money men held us up, but at least Whitey made a fair dinkum contribution and we still have McDonald to bat with the tail.

The weirdest thing for the whole day goes to the NSWelsh and their selection process.

The game was played at the SCG, as far as I’m aware. And yet when Matthew Nicholson, the 52 year old fast bowler, got ill before the game they replaced him with a debutant opening batsmen to bat at number 6.

Good luck to Usman Khawaja, but he obviously wasn’t going to take the new ball.

I’m glad the kid got a go, but isn’t it odd, that they would replace a bowler with a batsman.

NSWales only has 2 full time bowlers in this side, the game they have to win to get a home final, how stupid is that.

Beau Casson had none for 58 off ten at one stage, he may have been a full time bowler once upon a time, but no more.

Moises Enriques is a kid with more talent than Spiderman, but he is still young and is nowhere near a first tier bowler.

So if it is a home game, and Nicholson came down with the sniffles, why would they not replace him with another bowler, it defies all logic, unless we are in bizzarro world, are we in bizzaro world?

The Vics are in a good position, but their bowling line up scares me.

McKay and Pattinson may be good bowlers, but at this stage I do not have a zealotry belief in their talents.

However if we get to 450 tomorrow and then bowl them out for 83 I’ll prostrate myself before them.

Brad's Vs David

2008-02-14T12:08:00.000+11:00

In the Victorian Herald Sun today there is just a little tid bit about Haddin, Hodge and Hussey and who could be in the one day side.

They compare one day domestic records, where Hodge and Hussey tower above Haddin.

I think my love for Future PM Hussey is will known, and my hate for all players named Brad is equally well known.

This may come as a shock to you, but I think Brad Haddin should be playing in this one day series.

Brad managed to get into the Australian team last year, he did so by making a lot of runs quickly.

Then with injuries he found himself playing in India in the 7 match series that made no sense.

In that series his average of 66 in 4 games was only second to the man they called monkey.

He was on fire that series, while the other Brad made 59 runs in 7 matches at 9.

This is why Brad Haddin has been picked ahead of Brad Hodge in this series.

As for why Haddin has been picked ahead of Hussey it’s this simple, a) he is going to be a full time member of this side and this is good practice, and b) he made 200 runs at 66 in his last series so dropping him for a debutant, even one as God like as David Hussey is a big call.

When Gilly goes another batting slot will open up and the Future PM is the obvious choice for it.

If he doesn’t get picked then, and Bryce doesn’t get picked for a tour soon, I suggest all Victorians bum rush the Cricket Australia headquarters next to the G and burn that fu©ker down.

I have my pitch fork ready, but until then, chillax Victoria.

Matthew Elliott - an odd genius

2008-02-12T16:02:00.000+11:00

I was at his Matthew Elliot’s breakthrough innings at the G.

He absolutely slaughtered the warriors in that game, and my old man mentions that innings in the same hushed tones he uses for Sobers double century.

He couldn’t have been much older than 21.

Over the years I must have seen Elliot make at least 10 centuries, and the same question seemed to come back to me over and over again, how can a player this good not make it internationally.

Elliott had a weird career. He had seasons where he was the best opener in the world, and others where he found odd ways to go out, including once getting stumped off funky miller by a silly mid off fielder.

His international career was stopped by two non form related incidents, one involving his famous crash with Mark Waugh and subsequent knee injury, and the other one that involved him breaking the players code of what happens on tour never ever ever ever makes it back to the players wives.

The international highlights for me, was the way he pulled Allan Donald in his tour of South Africa, where he was given the number 3 role. He clearly didn’t like it, but that one innings of 80odd, including perhaps the best pull shot I have ever seen, was worth it for me.

His Ashes tour, sure he was only playing an England A side in those days, but the hundred at Lords and the 199 at Leeds were awesome. His other ton was against the Kiwis and was the ugliest innings ever, it was very rare he would score runs ugly, I think he got dropped a bunch of times and then McMillan got him.

The best thing about those innings was he wasn’t even in top form, because when he was on best form, it was impossible to get him out.

Years earlier when he was at the cricket academy Dennis Lillee was advising all the bowlers of each batsmen’s weakness. When they asked him about Elliott, he said he couldn’t find one.

As a batsmen he was truly amazing, but a man as quiet and sensitive as he was not made for a team sport.

From early on there were always whispers he didn’t fit in, he was an intense guy, his team mates didn’t get him, and that his sense of humour was odd at best.

If batting was turned into an individual pursuit sport, he would have been one of the best of all time.

My favourite innings, and perhaps the best innings I have ever seen was a hundred he made against NSWales. The bowling list included Stuart Clark, Nathan Bracken and Stuey MacGill and he treated them like they were one legged lepers with two left arms.

Behind me that day was former Chairman of selectors Trevor Hohns, and I spent all day reminding him that Elliott was a superstar batting.

He played a test against Bangladesh after that, and then even Victoria didn’t want him and he was shipped off to the wasteland known as South Australian cricket.

From the age of 12 to 16 he was my favourite cricketer, he took over from Dean Jones and was replaced by Ian Harvey.

I have almost forgiven him for playing for the Redbacks, but I would like to thank him for some of the best innings I will ever see.

for a home final

2008-02-12T14:46:00.000+11:00

Victoria find themselves in a battle against NSWales for the home ground advantage in the pura Sheffield cup Shield final.

Sides just don’t win shield finals away from home.

So the Vics have to beat the NSWelsh at their home ground starting Friday.

The NSWales team is missing a few regulars, Bracken and Haddin have been big time players all year, Smith and Hughes are off playing for the Australian under 19 side.

This week we need some old school, darren berry/slug jordan style cricket this week.

I can't stand losing to this mob at the best of times, but i'll be damned if we lose to this cobbled together team and lose the final because of it.

I think Crosthwaite should come in to provide some Luke Ronchi style catching and his witty little sledges to ensure victory.

If we lose this game, we probably don’t deserve to win the shield final, but our team, while still injury interrupted, still looks stronger than the speedblitz blues.

Victoria has a chance to write their names into the record books, being the first team to win two championships that no one cares about and one that everyone does in the one year.

They have been, by far the best 2020 team and 4 day team all year. Their one day form is pretty ordinary, but somehow they have found themselves in a position to play in or even host the final.

I had a coach once who said this “you remember two things in sport, when you win, and when you should have won”.

Victoria we expect nothing less than a total annihilation of this depleted Nsw side, but we understand you will collapse one or twice just to keep us interested.

And congrats to the young pakistani kid Usman Khawaja, who has been picked for NSWales, i understand he probably will be 12th man, but if he plays i hope he fails, no offence kid, but this is war.

New Texas defeated

2008-02-06T23:49:00.000+11:00

Ashley Noffke turned out to be more benign than I thought, and therefore the Vics won easy.

The Mc's all took wickets, the pressure they put on the Bulls was quite good, the perssure the bulls put on themselves was unbelievable. They scraped to 200odd.

Then after a small yet slightly scary collapse (3/50), Brad Hodge and Cameron white saved our @sses.

Hodge made a pretty cruisey hundred, and while he did most of the damage, White kept his huge county bat sheathed until he deemed it necessary to slog some quick runs.

And did he slog, he hit some balls that are so scra4ed the ball's children will grow up petrified.

It was a welcome return to form for both men, who while they haven't been out of form, they haven't been their usual belligerent selves.

Also good to see the Vics win easily with Future Pm David Hussey pretty much a spectator.

Clinton McKay still worries me. He just seems loose, and not the in the bimbo sense of the word, but in a fast bowling I think he can get hit for a big shot at any time.

He is getting wickets so I am happy to say this is more my issue than anyone elses, but when he takes the new ball I feel a little nervy.

Our navy blue hope

2008-02-06T16:37:00.000+11:00

Dearest Bryce,

We think you’re really cool.

We don’t care what other people say, you are the coolest mother fu©ker on the planet.

Way cooler than say, Ian Thorpe or Hulk Hogan.

From now on we pledge allegiance to you, and only you.

Victoria needs an Australian test player.

We have all given up hope of Brad Hodge being reselected, everyone except him and Ponting seem to as well.

Future Pm David Hussey is a great guy, we all love him, but he must have slept with every selector’s daughter.

Every other good player for the Vics is made of ice cream, and therefore is no chance of selection.

The onus is on you.

At the moment you are doing your thing, and doing it nicely.

2/29 against the Bulls at the G with 3 maidens, you choked the bulls, which makes all Victorians happy.

Junior Waugh and AB were fondling themselves over your bowling, that can’t be a bad thing.

We the Victorian public are behind you, and by that I mean the 43 of us who have heard of you.

We are willing to do anything we can to get you across the line for Pakistan or the Caribbean.

Firstly we have decided to stop calling you old. Through the positive thinking seminars we have learnt that by calling you old, which you are, people start to think of you as old. Now we shall call you experienced, mature or battle hardened.

Secondly, we formed a committee, at this stage we haven’t registered an ABN, or held any meetings, but we do have a cool name.

Thirdly, well actually that is all we have so far, but Stuart and George came up with some, the former started his own wine show, and the latter let two part timers out bowl him.

And they are both West Australians, so the love is Australia wide Bryce.

Just keep giving us the wickets and we will start a nation wide campaign that will get you selected in something, either Cleo bachelor of the year or the Australian test team, right at the moment, we’ll take either.

Yours sincerely,

Send CWB's Nice Bryce To The Australian Test Team As First Spinner Committee 2008.

single gunman theory

2008-02-05T01:04:00.000+11:00

While the rest of you Victorians are whining into your VB over the fact David Hussey is still not a real Australian player, I have found a real conspiracy theory.

Ashley Animatrix Noffke has been flicked away from the national side so he can destroy Victoria’s hopes of hosting the One day final.

Noffke’s performances against all comers this year has been of Spiderman quality, when he plays against Victoria, he becomes Batman.

He is obviously some sort of hired assassin sent by corrupt NSWelsh & Queensland administracrats to send Victoria back to the dark age.

Perhaps this is how he became so good, when before he was shocking. Some sort of new drug aimed at making you a demon allrounder when before you were a bum medium pacer.

Maybe they gave him a shot of Keith Miller blood in some sort of hooded ritual.

Just so they could beat the vics, those bastards.

The decision to drop him is odd in a cricket sense, as Stuart Clark is not a one day bowler, and Ashley Noffke is an allrounder of at least the same one day bowling potential.

So it is obviously a decision made to hurt Victorians.

Following this game the Vics play New south Wales, if Clark is dropped by then and plays against the Vics I will start a revolution.

Don’t think I wont.

Adam's helmet saves the day

2008-02-03T00:01:00.001+11:00

I’m not going to go on and on about Victoria's very lucky win last night.

Mostly because the way they batted they would prefer me not too.

Wouldn’t want to offend anyone or bruise some egos.

I will say that they had the game completely in the grasp on a very tricky pitch but then that they batted themselves into a hole that only Crosthwaite’s helmet could get them out of.

Adam (x) charged down the wicket with 2 required with 3 balls and 2 wickets in hand and helmeted the ball away for a single to tie the scores, before Peter Siddle got the last run.

With X the Vics would have lost a game that should never have even been close.

X was booed at all times when he batted, but unlike Channel 9, Foxtel showed the boos and embraced them.

Future Pm David Hussey proved again that no matter what the surface is like, he can make runs. He batted so much better than any other batsmen in the game.

Cameron White was played back into form by a weird Marcus North decision to not bring on the quicks.

The commentators were going nuts about it, I have to agree, Tait and Malinga have gotten him with full quick straight ones recently and Edmondson is their side just for such an occasion.

One of White’s sixes has just entered Orbit.

Earlier in the day, the Vics bowled really well to restrict the very talented warriors batting line up to only 220 odd.

Cameron is finally bowling well again, in the words of my father, he was robbed of the plumbest LB’s and then got a shocker when he was batting.

Pattison did well again, which just proves that if you give a Victorian a blue top and tell him to bowl quick and he will do a good job.

The Vics were very very very lucky to win this, especially with Crosthwaite and McDonald making some very odd decisions at the end.

They have played some ordinary one day cricket this year and still look like making the finals.

That makes me happy.

No royal commission required

2008-01-31T21:23:00.000+11:00

Memo to all fans of Victorian Cricket

There is no conspiracy

There is no selectoral bias

There is no grassy noll theory.

And the CIA has nothing to do with this.

Victoria does not have a player in the Australian team, because at this time there is no spot for a Victorian in the Australian team.

Test wise, only two Victorians are currently in the form to play for Australia, the other three are not quite there.

Future PM David Hussey is in breathtaking form at the moment. But the King Probot Hussey, Pup and Roy are all making runs. Generally selectors don’t drop guys making runs, I have stated my thoughts on Michael Clarke being dropped, but we all know they aren’t going to drop him on my recommendation.

CWB’s Nice Bryce McGain is the other player playing at the level of test match standard. He has two hurdles to over come, one is old agedness and two his lack of a first class record. Is he a better bowler than Brad Hogg, king oath, but he is not at Staurt MacGill’s level either.

Brad Hodge has not had a good year (except for the runs he made against a new texas eleven with 2 fit bowlers counts) and would now be behind Hussey, Katich and Pomersbach in the selectors mind. Plus do we really need more Brads in the side.

Peter Siddle is in good form, but he has only played 3 matches and Doug Bollinger had taken 2 ten wicket hauls this year at roughly the same average.

Had Andrew McDonald replicated last years form he would be very close to selection by now, but he hasn’t due to injury and therefore is down the list. Noffke is in superstar form and would be ahead of him at the moment anyway. Plus he does have red hair.

One day wise we were unlucky not to have a player in the side.

David Hussey is unlucky again, but the only batsman, I repeat batsman picked ahead of him is Brad Haddin, who on his last tour with Australia smashed the Indians everywhere. It is hard to drop a guy who performed so well the last time he played. Domestically Hussey has had the better year, but only marginally. Every other batsman deserves his spot ahead of Hussey at this stage.

Brad Hodge, well he had his chance in India, and he batted horribly. The selectors have picked the player in Haddin who made the runs there. He now finds himself on the list behind Hussey and perhaps even Voges, but Pontings love for the man means he could leap frog them if there is a spot available, especially if it is a top order spot.

McDonald hasn’t been in sensational one day form, but you know who has, Noffke and Hopes. And they were selected because of that fact. Case closed.

Dirty Dirk Nannes & Bryce McGain were the two best 2020 bowlers in the big bash, both are over 30 and one is injured.

If Nannes was fit I would have hoped he would have got a call up for the 2020 game ahead of Hilfenhaus, but he isn’t and there fore not in the side.

This isn’t all bad news, because this is the first Victorian team we have had in quite some time that has had multiple players with a shot of making the main team.

I didn’t even mention Cameron White or Aiden Blizzard, one who has played and one who in the future could be a chance.

But let us not be whiney little babies, as this means we have a full strength state team to pick from for the rest of the year.

And by then someone in the Australian middle order will be injured and Hussey will be there.

Traralgon Tales

2008-01-27T17:57:00.000+11:00

Victoria travelled all the way to Traralgon to allow the red backs to be bowled out for 160.

The redbacks are rubbish.

Let me rephrase, their batsmen are rubbish.

Their bowlers are ok.

I can’t believe they went within 4 wickets of beating us at home.

We’re not rubbish, are we?

Today the game was over when their captain, who was once a batsman, and is now a part time offie only, went out to take the game to 6/76.

If you don’t count the old Victorian and the fat dude, the redbacks best batsman bat at 7, 8 & 9.

Horrible.

The wickets were shared, and Nannes, Harwood, & Denton were hardly missed.

You would have to say the Vics are no chance of making the final, even with the bonus point, that I assume they get.

Even being that they were only chasing 160, and they went for the bonus point losing 6 wickets is a bit of a worry.

Even if it was Tait that did the majority of the damage.

Oh and they lost 3 for 10 at one stage.

Shipperd, did I not ask you to fix this problem, don’t make me come down there.

day four

2008-01-24T22:48:00.000+11:00

The Vics did what I said they would do, they won, whilst giving us all a scare.

Early on they lost 2/4, and then later on they lost 2/0.

Sure I said they would lose 3 quick wickets at a time, but let us not quibble over mere details.

They probably needed the Son of Tony Jewell to anchor the innings as losing 6 wickets was more than enough for me.

Shame Nick didn’t get his ton, he is a very good old school opening batsmen, sort of like the big cheeseburger, only smaller. Junior burger perhaps.

Future Pm David Hussey’s innings was odd. 50odd of 40ood balls seemed a weird contribution to the days play.

Highlights of the match would have to be McDonalds return to form with both bat and ball and Siddle’s continued skinny bowling average.

But Mr Shipperd please fix our mini collapses, I eat a lot of cheese, and therefore probably have a bad heart.

Cameron Whites golden duck is not news worthy.

Goodbye Mick

2008-01-23T23:06:00.000+11:00

Mick Lewis is leaving us.

It’s a sad day as he was pretty much the first of the plucked from no where quicks to play for Victoria, and arguably the best so far.

I'm not going to talk about all the great spells he bowled on flat decks over the years.

I’m not gonna tell you how important he was to Victoria over years, none more so than when he destroyed the New Texans with 6/59 in the second dig of the final in 2003/04.

I’m not even going to mention his one success for Australia in denying the Kiwis 6 to win off the last over.

I’m surprisingly not even going to go on about the fact this guy didn’t get brought up by cricket academy coaches wiping his @ss for him.

Hell I won’t even mention Greensborough.

And I definitely won't mention that game against the evil empire.

But I am gonna tell you a story about when a team mate of mine faced him in a practice match against Northcote a few years back.

Being the average cricketer I am, I only played in my clubs seconds against Northcote, which was probably lucky when we found out Lewis was playing.

At that stage he wasn’t that well known, but myself and few other guys had heard of him. Some of the players who were originally angry to have missed out on selection in the first team were ok about it after seeing his first over.

Lewis had played for the Vics a few times the year before, but this was the season he first made his mark. And he certainly made his mark that day.

The guy opening up against him was just a battler and was probably a little out of his depth. He was jockey sized and had no real attacking shots to fight back with.

After missing a few balls outside off stump, Mick changed his radar and smacked the guy on the chest.

While the guy was weezing for breath Lewis ran down and said, I’m not gonna try get you out, I’m just gonna keep hitting you.

Later that night in the bar, looking at the 14 bruises on this guys chest, back, arms and thighs, Lewis kept his word.

Mick Lewis, as much joy as you brought me when you ripped the heart out of the New Texans, I will always remember counting the bruises on my team mates body.

Thanks for the career.

day 3

2008-01-23T20:06:00.000+11:00

I didn’t quite keep up with the cricket today.

But I did hear Heath Ledger died, but that didn’t effect the current bushranger side.

I also heard Mick Lewis retired, that also didn’t effect the current bushranger side.

Siddle continued to bowl well (six fa) and continued to be flung to the lions in his position as night watch.

Or in Russian Nochnoy Dozor.

Victoria should comfortably cruise to victory, but that will have at least one period where they lose like 3 wickets in a row just to scare us.

220 runs to go gents.

day two

2008-01-22T18:28:00.000+11:00

Due to bad captaincy, good bowling, a sick wife and general ©rap Victoria found themselves 6 for about a 100.

Luckily Hodge and McDonald found them selves together at that odd position and they both flailed the Redbacks around for a session and a half to get Victoria back to level pegging.

First innings points are nice, but I was more concerned they would end up 100 runs shy and therefore outright points would have been a long way away.

The last few times I had seen McDonald bat I had been a bit worried about his form.

One of those times was in the nets before a 2020 game, but he still looked ugly.

This game he has really proved his allroundedness, with 4 wickets yesterday and 139 today.

It was a great rear guard knock, one that really got us back in the game, but he must have p1ssed at going out and leaving Cricket With Balls Own Bryce McGain to try and scamper for first innings points.

It’s a tough game cricket, some times 139 is still not enough.

The Brad Hodge wife thing is interesting, all day I was trying to work out how he could have been fit enough to bat last night, but too injured to bat this morning. When he did get to the ground he had a bit of a scrappy start before really taking charge with McDonald.

As usual the Vics lost multiple wickets, and as usual they played their best cricket when they were in all sorts of Barney Rubble.

It’s an important two days for the Vics, cause you can’t really afford to lose to the Redbacks.

day one

2008-01-22T01:45:00.000+11:00

I’m not going to the Victoria game at the Junction oval.

Cause its more than one form of public transport and I’m busy this week.

But I did keep myself abreast of the scores today, which started great until Graham Manou made a ton.

He pretty much put the rubbish South Australian batting line up upon his shoulders and carried it to a decent score.

Manou and Gillespie are the best batsmen in that side, that is so scary for the redbacks.

They ended up at 320 which having been sent in was pretty good, but the Vics wouldn’t be too unhappy.

Then Quiney went out for not much, and Cameron White broke my heart by putting in a night watchman.

If White were a true allrounder he would have said to Hodge, he dipsh1t your job is to bat so get out there and do it.

Poor Nacho Siddle went out to watch for night and saw just the one ball.

So now instead of being a probably 1 for 9, we are a definite 2 for 9 and South Australia think they are a chance of knocking us over.

Damn it.

Oh and congrats to Huss and White for making it to the K-Rudd XI.

made of glass

2008-01-20T14:21:00.001+11:00

The biggest story in world cricket has been bypassed by all factions of the media.

An Angel by the name of Sarah has found me and alerted me to this new crisis.

Dirty Dirk Nannes has a stress reaction in his foot.

While I have no idea what a stress reaction is, except for the fact it’s apparently not a stress fracture, he may miss up to 3 weeks with this reaction.

What is going on with Victorian fast bowlers, they are undoubtedly the best looking, fiercest and most talented fast bowlers on earth, and yet all of them are made of glass.

I would back Dirty Dirk to walk through hell and not get injured, but somehow 10 overs against Tassie did the trick.

Come to think of it, when I saw him walking around during the vics innings he was limping.

But I thought, what a warrior, limping after battle like all warriors do.

Never did I think maybe he has a stress reaction, perhaps because at that time I had never heard of the phrase stress reaction.

Victoria go into the state game at the Junction oval with Siddle and Harwood both under injury clouds.

So let’s open a market.

I’ve got Siddle at 4.40 to make it through the match without an injury.

Harwood is 17.20 to remain unhurt. For him is probably unders.

For both of them to remain uninjured for the entire match I give odds of 42 to 1.

Gamble responsibly.

rain and bricks defeat vics

2008-01-18T23:45:00.000+11:00

I had a long report written form the G today.

I sat there all day, watching the Vics in total control, and then, some careless batting and one really good spell and the Vics lose.

The careless batting was from White and Hussey, maybe careless isn’t the word, they let the game drift, the run rate was only 6 and a half an over, but then Hilfenhaus bowled a top spell that completely dried the runs up.

I say dried the runs up, cause it happened as the rain fell, all of a sudden White and Hussey realised they were a long way behind the par score and started attacking the Tigers.

For 2 overs it was great, they both got some big hits away, and even though I knew it couldn’t last, either by wickets or rain delays it was pretty cool.

Then Hilfenhaus got both of them in one over, and the par score was gone and so were the Vics.

Best of the batsmen was Quiney, it was a shame he got out when he did, because before then he seemed to be scoring at a run a ball without a problem.

Best of the bowling was Siddle, was lively, troubled all the Tassie batsmen and out balled Nannes who is in top form.

McGain took 3 for, not bad for a pensioner, but I have seen him bowl a lot better.

There was a lot more to report, but Hilfenhaus has sapped all of the Victorian spirit out of me.

the wild beast man dirty dirk nannes (player profile)

2008-01-14T14:58:00.000+11:00

Just before we start, I need you to say Dirty Dirk Nannes out loud.

Good, we can proceed.

There doesn’t seem too much information on Dirty Dirk Nannes on the internet.

But when has that stopped me from talking about someone.

Dirty Dirk is another fast bowler who has been picked from real life rather than cricket academies and representative sides.

My belief is that he was actually a Bushranger back in the 1870’s and somehow got himself frozen Encino man style before Rodney Hogg and Ken Piesse found him and thawed him out.

Ofcourse that may be just cause of the beard.

Not enough sportsmen wear beards these days, perhaps because Dean Jones will say inappropriate comments about them, Dirks is a very good one, even though he shaves it off all to regularly.

I have seen most of Australia’s best domestic batsmen look in trouble against him this year. When he is on song he is powerful bowler who pushes you into the position he wants you to be in.

Dirks bowling is quick, he is living proof that the speed gun has little to do with actual speed when your standing at the other end. Mind you I have seen him push the gun to 148.

He is intimidating, physically he is a big man, and also cause he looks like an angry wild man who wants to tear you apart.

Sitting at the ground you can hear him grunt, scream, and yell in frustration, and I’m sure I saw a young NSWelsh batsmen make sure he was always on the other side of the pitch to Dirk whilst running between wickets.

His line and length seem to be at your arm pit. Saying he hits the deck hard is like saying Sonny Liston punched hard, its not an apt description, he hits the deck like a sledge hammer operated by an ice addict.

Right at the moment I think he is the best 2020 domestic quick in Australia, and his one day and four day form is not too far behind.

Now that we’ve told you all the good stuff, lets mention the things that make him even more interesting.

He falls over, alot. It seems to be once an over, but it may be more. It's not even a good fall, its more a weird break dancing move.

His batting is well pure number 11. I’ve only seen him bat a few times, but he may be my favourite number 11 in Australia at the moment. To put it simply, so far with the vics he has shown very little, and I like that in a number 11.

His fielding is probably worse. Cameron white decicded to put him in the circle for one of 2020 games, which was clearly done to lift the spirits of the guys through humour.

My favourite fielding memory of him was at the G when he stormed out after a skied ball, he ran so hard and fast to get to the ball that when he got there he chested it 35 meters away.

That was one of those moments you never forget.

Even though he comes across as a red meat eating fast bowler who would literally try and beat you to death with your own arms, he may just be a pretty cluey business man as well.

You can Visit Dirty Dirks business Global Snow tours (he must be a demons supporter) when you are planning your next white powder experience, I just made that sound like cocaine didn’t I.

Just don’t get between him and a white capped peak, as the wild beast man might come out in him.